Feeling exhausted

[LeeA18]

Hi

I left an extremely stressful job over a month ago and my relationship broke up a month before that, but ended ambicably because of his mental health (or so I thought). Fast forward to now, I still feel absolutely heartbroken, depressed and anxious and just soooo extremely burnt out. I have been talking to a psych and have just changed to a new one. I went overseas on a holiday, which I thought would help me relax and it did to some degree. My ex has been hurtful, don't know if he realises that he has been or not. We were pretty good friends and then it just became a one way relationship where he only contacted me when he wanted something. He has now completely removed me from his life, which is hard to take. He has also lied to me about stuff and has been useless when it comes to communicating to me about problems and so I don't have much closure. I am someone that would rather be told the truth then to be told a lie to protect my feelings and then I find out that it is a lie. I also think he played with my head quite a bit after the break up, which just really wore me down and still plays with my mind quite a bit. I can't seem to stop thinking.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have been doing a little bit of work to try and get my mind off things but the job is so mundane that I get tired before lunch time and I just want to sleep and I have no motivation to ask for more work. I just feel like this dark cloud is hovering over me and will not lift. I know it all takes time but I am becoming more and more frustrated with how I am feeling. I want to be happy again but it just seems like so much effort. Truthfully, I don't think I ever want to be in a relationship again. It is worse now because of the burn out from my old job that I am trying to recover from.

My health is not good at all. I have a disease that has started to flare up. My entire body aches. I have lost weight. I have little motivation to actually do anything including cooking. I feel neuseas. All I want to do is sleep. I am actually thinking that I might need to go to the hospital this weekend if I continue being like this.

I am seeing a psych tomorrow. Hopefully he will be able to help me further. I have anti-depressants prescribed to me but I have been trying to do it on my own but I just don't think I can anymore so I started those this morning.

Thank you for letting me vent again lol.

[SammyD100]

Hi LeeA18

I’m sorry to read how hard things are for you right now. It sounds like there have been a number of events happen for you recently that have all compounded to make you feel like you are really struggling.

It sounds as though the way your ex-partner has behaved since the break-up has been quite damaging and difficult for you to cope with. To go from being amicable, to being used by him, to then being cut out of his life completely, would have been incredibly confusing and hurtful. It also sounds like he may have been manipulating you, which will not only be damaging to your sense of self but also really hard to understand and make sense of. I can understand why you say it’s been playing with your mind.

Your feelings of wanting to sleep, lacking motivation, a dark cloud, feeling burnt out, having a flare up of a physical disease, losing weight etc. These are all significant signs that you are having a really difficult time right now so it’s great that you have sought out psychological support, and that you have decided to start the antidepressants. I also think it’s great that you have ‘vented’ on these threads! I’m really hopeful that the combination of psychological and pharmacological support will help you find some hope that things can be better for you.

Let us know how you go with the Psych today?

SammyD

[LeeA18]

Hi Sammy

thank you for your response. I woke up at 4.30am this morning and my mind was just ticking. Felt so anxious all day.

I went to my psych and he confirmed everything that I thought and was feeling about my ex. That I did nothing wrong in confronting him about my concern. My psych said that I was emotionally manipulated. It’s so strange that I felt so much relief afterwards. Perhaps because a professional said that I did nothing wrong. I felt crazy but I don’t now. For the first time I feel like I can move forward knowing that I did everything I could to get the relationship back on track but he kept stonewalling me. The man I fell in love with isn’t the same man from 3 months ago.

[SammyD100]

Hi LeeA18,

Sorry I haven't been able to respond again before now - but I was so happy to read your latest post!

I'm so glad you made it to see your Psych and that his feedback was helpful for you. Sometimes despite our best efforts to tell ourselves something and try to believe it, just hearing it from another person makes all the difference. I'm really glad you don't see yourself as being crazy anymore!

Best of luck moving forward - onwards and upwards from here : )

SammyD