Feeling Empty

[Guest_232]

Hey guys.

I’ve been bottling in all my emotions for a while now, so any help / advice would be appriciated. Sorry if it’s long.

I’m in a really toxic relationship with my ex right now.The day after telling me something has changed for the better in our relationship, my now ex broke of a year and a half broke up with me because she said feelings change. However, only four days after the break up she came back to me begging for my forgiveness and saying she was feeling sucidal and self harming. Of course, disregarding my own feelings, I blindly pretended like she didn’t hurt me at all to make her feel better. She has recovered from her down period after five days. It’s been a month and a half and I still feel so empty.

She was my only real friend, and since this was the case, I was so dependent on her. To this day, I message her all day about life and we talk. And I know she is playing me and trying to use me for sex still, but I really can’t help just going a long with it cause I’m still so in love. If I ever tell her I’m feeling down about what happened or I want some space, she just threatens to have sex with other guys or sends me photos with her DMs filled with guys hitting her up.

Being full honest, I’m currently crying while writing this. I feel terrible that im to weak to change my feelings for her even though deep down it is ruining my life, and has been for the past month and a half. I feel so empty, like something is missing in me. I’m still so dependent on her even though she threatens sleeping with other guys and that just makes it even worse.

It really doesn’t help that this week my dog was put down due to cancer.

It has reached the stage where I feel worthless and empty. I feel like every day is just a struggle to impress her and win her back even though I’m so confilicted on if I still want to be with her. Over the past two weeks, I’ve had on average 3 hours sleep a night and it’s slowly bringing down my grades. I used to self harm two years ago, and I’ve used so much will power to stop myself from doing it again.

im sorry about ranting, it’s just I feel so pointless and worthless, and I just needed to tell people. My family is extremely supportive, but I can’t bring up the nerve to talk to them because they see mental health issues as a joke.

thanks for reading and any help is appriciated. I feel I’ve hit rock bottom.

colbision

[To_Old_For_This]

HI Colbision

I am sorry to read of your pain. It sounds like your ex is controlling you. I understand it is hard to break away from that. Do you have other friends you can confide in, or even just spend time with? If not, can you join a club, get involved in sport, find something to distract you from her?
It seems you can see being attached to her is no good for your health-but she is holding onto you by a string and manipulating you at will.
I think branching out and finding independence is key.

[Wizard1]

Hi Colbision,

Welcome to the forum.

Do not feel sorry about having a long story nor ranting. Longs stories and ranting are what this forum is all about. The more you rant the better. So please rant away. We all encourage you to do so.

What you are going through must be extremely painful for you. Although your family may think mental health is a joke, they may still listen to you about your relationship problems. Is there someone in your family you feel comfortable taking to about your relationship with your girlfriend?

Cheers
Wizard

[Guest_232]

To Old for this,

Honestly, I would just like to start for saying thank you for the reply. I wrote this fully expecting nobody to respond to me and for it to be a waste of time, but seeing you reply has probably made my week.

Recently, I have signed up for a gym memebership and have started going 5 times a week for health. I can say that you nailed the advice in regards to joining a group, as I feel like when I’m working out the thought of her leaves my mind and I feel happy.

I completely understand that I have to become independent, just struggling with currently finding this independence after been so dependent on her for over a year!

I have tried reaching out to my friends, but most of them either call me an idiot for still talking to her, or just tell me to stop being a wuss and get back with her. This really doesn’t help

i would honestly like to thank you so much for just responding. After a few weeks feeling real isolated it’s nice to know there is someone out there who will listen.

kind regards

[Guest_232]

Wizard 1

Once again, thank you for even responding. It really does mean a lot.

I completely understand your advice with talking to my family about the actual relationship and not just mental health. I did end up trying to talk to them about this during a coffee, but unfortunately, they just think I’m and idiot for still talking to her after all she’s done.

i think right now I might go for the approach of independence, and allow for time to heal the damages while I gradually try to drift away from her. I know this is complicated, but do you possibly have any advice?

if not, that is perfectly fine. It means a lot the fact that you just replied in the first place

thank you,

colbison

[To_Old_For_This]

I am so glad my response has helped in some small way.

You will always have someone here to talk too. I know it's not the same as real-life, but it helps.

It sounds like you are on a path to reaching independence. It's time to make you a priority. Just remember every day is a new day and baby-steps in the right direction are still in the right direction.

Take care of you. You are important and deserve to be happy.

[Wizard1]

Hi Colbison,

I will try and help where I can but please be aware that I'm very new to this forum and uncertain how best I can help you.

I'm sorry to hear that your family and friends are not helpful to you but don't stop trying to talk about this at least with us. Keep us informed of your thoughts and feelings here. You mentioned that you are studying, is there a counselling service that you can use where you are studying?

The challenges you have are rather difficult. It must be very hurtful for someone who you love to treat you so poorly. I do want you to know that this person doesn't define you. The way she treats you is her weakness not yours. Clearly she has some insecurities of her own for her to go around trying to control you like she does.

I am glad to hear that you have taken up the gym. Keeping active is certainly a good way to keep both mind and body healthy. I too always feel better after going to gym and thus enjoy it myself. What about going to more social sports like soccer or touch footy? If these sports appeal to you then that can be a great way of meeting new people and decreasing your dependence on her.

As for your girlfriend, you seem to have found reasons why you should end this relationship but what prevents you from ending it? Do you fear the isolation? Or are you worried that you might not find another person? What is holding you back? Letting us know your feelings on this will give us better ideas on how we might help. Even talking about it may help you understand it better and give you ideas of how to deal with it yourself.

I hope this helps and remember, keep in touch. I'll do what I can to help.

Cheers, Wizard.