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My concern is, is he going to be non negotiable on other topics in the future?
At this point in time perhaps take some time apart to reconsider. Yes he otherwise seems perfect but it only takes one element of difference that can derail the whole relationship.
I suggest his stubbornness is that difference. Whether it is his past scars that is to blame or not, you are not rejecting the prenuptial totally, you simply want it amended.
That is not unreasonable and that seems to be what he lacks on this topic- reason.
Be content that this issue has been highlighted now and not a few years down the track.
Hello Morning sunshine,
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so devastated by this. Prenups can be a really tricky thing to talk about, and can come as a shock if you've not really considered it necessary.
It's good that you came around to the idea, but still wanted to make sure you both are protected. At the end of the day, if one is in place, it's only fair that the agreement protects you both equally.
From what you mention, there are a few reasons from his past which could explain how fixed he is on his position. None of which mean he's right, but perhaps which give some insight into his reasoning which it sounds like he's not really explained clearly to you. Still, it is quite common that being hurt in the past can make people's behaviour seem very confusing and outright contradictory - he can be the most thoughtful and caring in every way, but if it comes to the question of money and shared finances, he could seem like a completely different person.
I think you've hit the nail on the head in terms of potentially looking to get a better understanding of where he's coming from. That can often help get past people's anxieties, and I hope he is willing to talk more. Let us know how you go, when you feel up to it.
What a tough position you're in, it's understandably a hurtful and confusing situation.
How do you both feel about couples counselling? It sounds like you are both so happy with the relationship and want things to work, so I would suggest that you put the idea forward if you haven't already.
My husband and I have had couples counselling, and are currently seeing someone again. The biggest lesson I have learnt so far is that we each bring pain and insecurities and anxieties from our past with us into our relationships. It might help you each recognise these issues and realise that they're from the past and not the current. Then you might be able to discuss with your partner that you are not what has hurt him in the past, and that you're only wanting fair consideration of the amazing relationship that you share.
I suggested a mediator or counselling. My partner continued to shut down and then told me he can’t commit to having a child (which is something we have both committed to together previously). I’m blindsided by this. He says his decision has no relationship to the prenup and our differences of opinion surrounding it. It’s very confusing. But the bottom line is, he has given up on us.
thank you to you all for your thoughtful replies and helpful advice. It means a lot to me.
When there is no logical answer and the other person does not clarify one, it is torturous for us.
However, I have a different more solid view. If that was how my partner for life was going to treat me, then as sad as it is, he/she is not for me. I would want solid commitment with transparency. I would not want a person that places their fears on us from previous baggage.
To stand one's ground is one thing
For the earth does not move
So people have to be flexible
Reasonability one can prove
But if stubbornness in one is chosen
And their arms aren't open and free
It leaves no room to negotiate
No longer room for love to be...