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Feeling defeated

Community Member

I recently posted a thread related to anxiety around a new relationship. That has since ended. ( friend zoned hard)

i feel defeated. I can’t seem to ever maintain a relationship. I live rurally, so meeting people can be hard. I’m on multiple online sites with a wide range of distance hoping to meet someone.

I’m a pretty genuine person. I’m honest. Very hard working. Due to my job I can come across very confident, which I understand can put guys off. I’m very caring and understanding. I’m patient. I don’t limit my options by being overly selective. I’m happy to catch up with someone as long as there is a connection. I have been open to people who I would not consider to be traditionally attractive, but I go by personality and connection. I’m open to guys who already have kids and always work in conjunction with the guy so he can always put the kids first. I don’t interfere in the relationship they have with their ex.

I just can’t figure out where I’m going wrong. I’m not overly full on towards the guy, even though in private my anxiety really plays at me .

i really want a long term relationship. I genuinely have a lot to offer a guy, but never seem to get that opportunity. I’d love to have a family of my own, but I’m starting to get to an age where the clock is going to soon start ticking down.

How do I meet someone who will be interested in something long term? How do I get them to hang around long enough to give me the chance to show I’m actually not a bad chick.

I know this is a common problem for a lot of women.

3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Afraid99

Good on you for having the courage to post another thread topic

I was born in the country but have been in the suburbs for a long time now. Being in a rural location it would be difficult to meet someone for sure.

I have had clinical anxiety for a long time which was replaced by depression...ugh! Can I ask you if your anxiety is mild or if its like mine which was chronic/clinical?

Everyone has some degree of anxiety in their lives. Its when the anxiety effects our day to day lives where it can be a problem and usually needs the help of a GP to assist us

Thankyou for being a part of the forum family 🙂

My kind thoughts


Hi Paul.

I do take medication for anxiety and see a psychologist. Luckily I am able to function on a daily basis. I understand people have it worse than me.

Currently I am lacking self esteem. I’m not an unattractive girl but I am overweight. ( as is a common side effect of antidepressants). But I don’t think my weight should be stopping me from developing a relationship. I see multiple people who are significantly larger than me in very committed relationships.

Im just completely lost. I don’t know how to find a bloke who’s willing to stick around. It’s an element of my life that leaves me feeling very lonely. I do have very meaningful friendship with people and am sociable. Yet there’s something different about knowing someone out there just cares about you and thinks that you’re special etc.

i realise in the scheme of things, not having a bf is trivial. But I would love to hear from people who thought they would never find anyone but in the end did. And some advice on how to get a bloke to see you as more than a friend.


Hello! Welcome to the forums.

As a guy I can't imagine what goes into searching from a woman's perspective, so my apologies if my advice is a miss:

From my experience in having trouble finding someone, and accounting for your anxiety, it seems the pressure you're putting on yourself to find someone (by putting yourself out there) may in fact be contributing to this anxiety.

My recommendation for both the anxiety and partner search is corny: focusing on what you enjoy most (in your work, or hobbies / activities, or friends) may be the best bet. From my perspective, putting less pressure on putting yourself out there may relieve some anxiety, while also enjoying yourself in focusing on what you like to do. Also, the chances of meeting someone who is meant for you may be higher if you look in places you like to be yourself.

Would love to hear more from you, and wish you the best.

- FC