Feeling crazy

[Leigh_C]

I just found myself sending this message to my one and only friend. Names have been changed. I’ve done some reading about gaslighting and think it applies to our relationship. I feel crazy for the things I saying and feeling even when faced with undeniable evidence.

Mate life is a struggle at the moment. I’m sorry to vent to you cause I have been nothing short of a shit friend to you I’m sorry for that I really am I love you and your friendship problem is I have been embarrassed about things I’ve told you about my relationship not that I’ve ever felt judged just embarrassed. Embarrassed that I don’t call you and see how you guys are embarrassed I’ve got to such a shit place in my life and I’ve treated you so poorly. I want to call you often but feel as though it’s always me and my problems. I’ve always classed you as a good friend just wished I’d been the same to you unfortunately my life with chris has pushed me away from the people I care about the most not just you but rose Carmel all of u and that makes me sad I had such a great group of friends and feel as though I messed it up. I found an empty licked out drug bag the day we were leaving for camping I decided not to say anything as I wanted Haley to have the holiday I promised her. So it all blew up New Year’s Eve and an almighty fight broke out he totally denied the drug bag was his even though he’d just done a job for a known dealer and was working every night pasted midnight to which then lead to the fight that involved chris screaming at me that not only to I deserve the sexual abuse I suffered as I child but that I enjoyed it arrantly pissed out his head his excuse for everything The police were called chris videotaped the fight as you could imagine it involved me throwing objects close to hand. I was under the limit at 10.30pm at night so I drove home with Haleywho witnessed the whole scene play out. Police didn’t charge me cause he egged me on. I then let chris come home 3rd January only to discover yesterday that he was on tinder and match.com whilst he was still away. He denies everything about the dating sites and try’s to make me think he hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m totally at my wits end and don’t know what to do??? He is making me feel like I’m crazy

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

Sorry to read that you're struggling with things at the moment. I feel like it's sometimes hard to maintain friendships when we've got our own issues going on. I want to go see a friend at the moment. But I'm not mentally well and I don't want her to feel I'm just leaning on her with my problems. And so I wait. Hard, isn't it?

As for your current relationship, it sounds like there's a lot going on there. It doesn't sound like it's a very healthy relationship, would that be correct? And is there a child involved? It might be taking a toll on them also.

Perhaps it's time to consider your partner's actions, and not their words. Because when they don't match up, there's a problem. This was the case in my last relationship and when my psychologist pointed it out, it made sense.

Take care, Katy