Feeling alone in my marriage

Beharris · ‎22-09-2018

My husband is the most amazing person normally but i feel as though he always hates being around me he never likes to do activities with me he was so much more happier when we were engaged but once we married he never seems to look forward to seeing me anymore always says he doesnt have time or his too busy or has too much stress on him .. He claims he has anxiety and always finds excuses to be around other people he's also always so bubbly around others but when we're together he seems bored and unhappy i dont know what to do or how to make our love grow back this is putting a huge strain on me and my son who is an infant as i cant give him my all waking up everyday feeling unhappy. Im also pregnant with baby number 2 am i just over reacting ? Or what should i do ? Because as of now im loosing myself!

smallwolf · ‎22-09-2018

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

Congrats on baby #2. Dynamics change from the time before the babies to now. Priorities change. I have 2 children at the end of high school. In the time since I became a father and now, my wife and I have had a number of conversations on where our relationship is heading. And we are still together. Your thoughts about your relationship are natural and valid. But that means an exploration of the issues...

Have you asked him why he seems unhappy around you? What is stressing him that he needs to be around other people? Or, might he feel left out? Another question is when this started? What happened?

Most issues in a relationship can be resolved. I am hopeful this is the case for you. There are ways to bring the love back, but that might wait for a second post as you might get the answers from talking to your husband.

Hope to hear from you again. Have a good weekend,

Tim

Beharris · ‎23-09-2018

Thank you for your post!

I spoke to him several times throughout our marriage but his reply is that he's always stressed out from bills,rent etc and has had enough that he wants to go away some place and switch his phone off and be away from everything and everyone but never actually does that..

He also had a very rough childhood and upbringing where his mother left him at a very young age, had an abusive step mom and father he also was born overseas and came to aus at the age of 12 so that also made it very hard for him to adapt at the time and once he did he ran away from home and got caught up with the wrong crowd. When i had met him he was away from all the bad things that were previously in his life.

He tells me he suffers from bad anxiety and im worried that i will lose him because of it.. I hate that i always feel i need reassurance and i have no confidence in our marriage even though he does and sometimes i do believe that i am the issue as well because of my lack of confidence i just dont know how to deal with this

geoff · ‎25-09-2018

Hello Beharris, a warm welcome to the forums.

Can I ask when he's around other people is he drinking alcohol and that brings his happiness.

He also had moved on from previous days, so marriage counselling and/or individual therapy may be your best option, don't forget you're pregnant with your 2nd child, and by the way congratulations.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

smallwolf · ‎25-09-2018

Beharris,

Hello again.

From your last reply it sounds like some of his stresses relate the money, paying bills etc. I will admit that I dont know exactly how this might help, but there are financial counselors that assist those who are facing financial hardship. It is just a thought. I would also assume that his wanting to go just go away would then be related to these stresses. If he did not have these stresses do you think that is anxiety would be must reduced? Or not?

Secondly, and without knowing how busy your lives are, do you think that you could both do something together? Watch a movie? Go out for lunch? Picnic? Something where you both dont have to worry about the stresses of life (and just enjoy each others company)?

Similarly, do you both have other people that you can talk to about your worries? Getting it out in the open can help to get it out of your mind. Rather than ruminating on the negative thoughts?

Hope you have a good night...

Tim