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Feeling a burden to two, Misunderstood my many and forgotten by lots.

Tas_zi
Community Member

Suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. My network has got so narrow, so small. The two I hold close I feel like I burden. I can see they have enough going on themselves. Family, there is many issues there and also many misunderstand me, just telling me to get over things and move on etc. The rest of my friends, Idk where they are. No one wants to be a friend to someone that hardly leaves the house that needs someone along side when they do, or just stays inside when that someone is at work. Some real issues happening, trying to stand up for myself so I am not the constant burden and still failing. Just feeling really low atm.

9 Replies 9

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Tas_zi,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums...

I’m sorry your feeling really low atm and struggle with clinical depression and anxiety..

Like you I would only go out when I had someone with me and stayed inside my home other times...I still need my support worker to take me to the larger towns for my professional appointments, but can now go on my own to the small town closer to were I live...I live rural NSW...

Do you have any professionals looking after your mental health?.,If Not is it something that you will consider?...For me Speaking with my counsellor has helped me to understand more about depression and anxiety and how to manage my worse days...

I found that people who haven’t experienced depression or anxiety find it very hard to do so...and I think that makes them unsure on how to act around us or talk to us..which is really sad..

We are all here for you Tas..with our care and support..

How do you feel since you posted on here...looking forward to hearing from you when you feel up to it...no pressure at all..

Kind thoughts with my care dear Tas..

Grandy..

HappyHelper88
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Tas_zi Thankyou for your post and welcome,

Im so sorry to hear about how you are feeling, I think many peoples networks have narrowed down recently due to current situation.
Im sure you are not a burden and they are close to you because they want to be
And families are always generally complicated.....Mine included

I rarely leave the house I prefer being on my own and my friends understand that......they still want to be my friend
If someone doesn't want to be your friend because of that they are not worthy of being your friend

I know things are hard right now and they seem tough but don't give up or lose hope things will get better just take it day by day. Do you talk to someone about how your feeling?

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

Learn to Fly
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Tas_zi

I’d like to join Grandy in a warm welcome to this forum.
I would also like to ask you: have you had a chance to seek professional help? You can always start with your GP. If not us here will always gladly listen and respond to your worries. In addition, you can always call one of our amazing counsellors and will guide you in taking further steps.
The help is available and you have just made your first step towards the light in the tunnel by sending your post here on this forum. It takes courage and strength so well done.

Please remember that you are not alone and even though we don’t know or see each other, we deeply care about every troubled soul, including you. Be kind and gentle to yourself and please let us know how you’re going there.

yggdrasil
Community Member

Hi Tas_zi,

Just want to echo what the others have said above. You're not alone, and talking to someone can be a good first step. As the others have said, talking to your GP about where you're at can be a great help. If talking in person is therapeutic for you, your GP can help set up a mental health care plan, which provides free counselling with a psychologist or social worker, although I think there's a bit of a wait time in most parts of the country at the moment. The BB hotline can also be very helpful, I've called it multiple times. I'm not sure what the issues in your family are, but there are also other hotlines you may find helpful for family issues, such as 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), Men's Line (1300 789 978) and the Women's Information and Referral Exchange (1300 134 130). Being male myself I've called Mens Line and it was helpful.

For anxiety and depression there are also services like ADAVIC and ARCVIC in Victoria that offer in person support groups (should be restarting soon now lockdown is over), telephone counselling, and online counselling. I found support groups very therapeutic, as everyone understands exactly where you're coming from emotionally.

At various times I too have experienced the sense of burden and isolation you describe, and the support groups also helped with this. Another strategy that was often discussed in the support groups regarding social anxiety is to find well structured activities to participate in, where if you want to just enjoy the activity with minimal direct engagement, that's normal and fine. For me I did board game groups for many years, other people had crossword groups, walking groups etc. Some of these may be challenging if leaving the house is an issue, but there are also groups on meetup.com that hold meetups over Zoom. I went to a few during COVID where someone would give a talk on a topic, then we'd play online games like pictionary together.

These sorts of groups are a great way to enjoy the light company that comes from sharing an activity with other people. There's no time for things to get too heavy, and so you never feel like you might have burdened someone. I think these sorts of light incidental friendships can be just as therapeutic as the deep soulful ones when you're trying to get a grip on your anxiety and depression.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Tas_zi, sorry for how you are feeling and know that as soon as someone develops depression and anxiety friends as well as your family either disappear or don't believe a word you're saying, and I'm not a doctor but know from myself, they make excuses, don't answer the phone and vanish.

These people may ask you to support them whenever they asked you, but won't reciprocate and even a couple of close friends may begin to feel rejected when you don't want to talk to them, so a gap may develop, but no one can just 'get over it or move on' because you carry the problem with you and try to hide it, but this is not possible.

If you have a toothache, can you move on and get over it, no, you can't, the same principles apply.

When you have these issues, you can't stand up for yourself, you can't think straight and you don't have the strength to stand firm, so you need assistance and we want to help you.

Geoff.

Tas_zi
Community Member

Thanks for all your words, they give comfort that I am not here alone. So much going on atm that emphasises my disfunctional family, with some major decisions needing to be made for our ailing mother.
I was able to get past my own needs yesterday and go and spend time next to her hospital bed. Its amazing how that happens, that when we are needed some of our own anxiety and depression does take a back seat, although I know from past experience it will rear its ugly head with avengance when this settle or come to an end.
I feel I need to get my life in order, does anyone know if NDIS is available to help. I dont have a support worker. I have a marvelous GP but also complex health issues so my mental health doesnt always see the top of priority,

I want to see if widening my network will help, I am tired of living in same state each day. everything getting on top of me. Wanting to just even get up and do jobs around the house but the safety of bed and the lack of get up and go seems to keep me prisoner. I feel if I could get some things in order it would help, but very fearful of letting others / strangers in my life.
Really wanting up out of this dark pit that keeps grabbing me in.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Tas_zi, to get yourself starting to feel better is not with a person who demands you do everything they say because problems may begin if you don't do what's been said and could make you feel worse.

A compassionate person who understands what you are having trouble with will discuss issues with you and stop once you become agitated, realising that it may be the wrong approach.

This is certainly possible but it may not be the first person you meet.

Geoff.

yggdrasil
Community Member

Hi Tas_zi,

I've worked as a support worker through the NDIS and unfortunately I don't think it covers depression or anxiety in and of themselves, although if you have another disability (e.g. physical health or mobility, ASD, ADHD etc) you may be eligible. My advice would be to talk to your doctor about the NDIS or call the Gov's National Disability Gateway (1800 643 787). I also think you should talk to your doctor about how hard it is to get out of bed. When I was at my worst I had low B12, which was part of the problem. Your doctor can also set you up with seeing a psychologist or social worker for free, and they may help you unravel some of the complex family stuff going on.

Try to keep aiming for those tiny little victories. When its too hard to get out of bed, just wriggle your foot for a bit. Then next time try bending your knee to raise your leg. Just go for the little-est wins possible. Once you're able to get up and out of bed, are there any exercises you enjoy doing? I found daily exercise to be essential for managing my mental health. You can again start really, really, small. That's what I did. Just raising you knees up and down on the spot etc. Or pumping your arms up and down. The smallest little wins are all you need. They can slowly, slowly build. No need to put big pressure on yourself, just that gentle pressure to keep looking for those tiny little wins. You can start to find them all over the place. Sometimes I write them down at the end of the day to remind me.

Don't worry about not having get up and go. Usually you only get the motivation and inspiration to do something after you've already done it... and that psychological reward then fuels something else. I've found this especially true in times of high depression or anxiety. If there's something you know you need to do to improve your wellbeing, like widening your circle, look for a step to take towards that goal that feels just a tiny bit too hard (like maybe calling a friend or relative you haven't spoken to in a little while) and try to make yourself do it, even though the anxiety and depression is screaming it's the wrong thing to do, or that you aren't motivated enough etc. When you're in a bad place, even the smallest things seem risky and dangerous. Just find the smallest step, and take the plunge.

Hi Tas_zi,

Good to see you back. That was a wonderful thing you did for your Mum, sitting with her in the hospital. And you are so right: when we shift our focus to being for others or helping them, lots of our own stuff take a back seat. This sometimes helps us in getting a bit of a distance and different perspective and assists in seeing some things in a different light. Sometimes it happens we realise the lesser significance of the things we had been stressing about before. Sometimes they hit us stronger than ever. Still, at least we are left with a knowledge that we did something for another human being, especially if it’s a loved one.

You mentioned your struggle to get out of bed. I wonder how would you feel about making a list of basic things you have to do each day for a week and following this list no matter what? Just a thing to motivate you to actually get out of bed, wash, dress up and do these fe Le things. If they could involve helping others, that’s even better.
No pressure here, just sharing an idea that came up to me, that’s all.

Take care there.