Feel unsupported

[Struggling_mumma]

I've recently had a very rough week mentally and i reached out to my boyfriend and told him i was struggling. He didn't respond. I spoke to him about it later and asked him if i had his support. He just told me he didn't want to deal with it as he doesn't want any negative energy around him. I tried explaining to him how it made me feel and he just told me it's something i need to deal with and it's not his problem and i should be just happy with life. I tried explaining it's not that easy and i was feeling really unloved and unsupported by what he's said. He always seems to only worry about himself and not me or our daughter. I just don't know if i can stay in a relationship where I'm not getting any support. I love him and support him through everything but just don't feel he reciprocates.

[Trisherose]

Oh Struggling Mumma. I feel so sorry for you. It must be so hard for you. It doesn't sound like he understands your feelings, and doesn't know how to respond. And in saying- "you should be just happy with your life"- is he inferring you have a great life and you should be happy? I can only speak for how I felt, but I knew I had a great life, everything I could want for, but the depression hit so hard that nothing could make me happy, and the guilt associated with that was part of the depression. I didn't want to be unhappy. I didnt want to feel so exhausted and sad all the time- crying at the drop of a hat, not sleeping, paranoid, anxious and totally secluded from everyone. We don't want to feel like this. Reach out to someone else. Find someone you really can talk to until he works out that this is really serious and you need him.

Have you spoken to a GP? Have you gotten some external support to help you? Sometimes it can take a while for a partner to really understand the complexities of their partners feelings. I personally found that it was when I took my husband to my doctor and psych apts that he started to understand better. I don't quite understand that he does not want negative vibes. He could be transferring you some positive vibes, even by giving you a cuddle, or doing little things for you. I have relatives- son and son-in-law just to name two, that did not talk to me at my darkest time because they were to scared of saying the wrong thing. They did not understand- and yes I would take things the wrong way, especially if people were offering me advice. EG you just need to exercise, or you need to just get over it, or when I had depression I just .................or I never had time to be depressed and I had 5 children. Not helpful.

Find the right person to talk to and find what works for you. Definitely see a gp. Good luck to you and your little girl. And take care of you.

[geoff]

Hello Struggling mumma, can I offer you a warm welcome and thank you for posting your comment, which must be disappointing for you to know that your partner doesn't really want to help you through this situation, that's sad for not wanting to support you and your daughter.

We would hope that in a relationship and/or marriage that we have our partner/spouse willing to help us through any situation, and it doesn't matter how strong you feel about him, it’s natural to feel confused about
the relationship once in a while and whether the trust and companship is alive.

These are two very important issues and if you doubt any of this, you have to decide what you want to do, especially if it's been happening for a long time and been struggling on by yourself.

Your daughter must come into your decision and whether or not she too has been neglected, but perhaps before you do decide it would be good for you to get help starting with your doctor and then with a psychologist on a mental health plan, this allows you to 10 free sessions.

I'd be interested to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Terry73]

Hi Struggling Mumma,

What Geoff and Tris say are good advice for you, I dont think I can offer anything better except my own support.

It angers me that a partner wont support their partner, and the "negative energy" excuse is rather lame in my opinion. People pair up so they can support each other in life, other than making a family, its the basis of any relationship, its the building block on which love is built in my opinion. Even if the issues are not related to one partner, its still the basic duty of a partner to still be there and support the other.

I think you should go inform him of that, let him know its not OK, and that he should at least be emotionally supporting and comforting you.

Anyway, I do hope all ends up well for you, hang in there and always feel free to chat to us here,

Terry