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Feel like world's worst mother.
I have two children ages 2.5 + 8 months.
They are beautiful.
I have recently gone through family things where I actually have no family members left, I do not speak to a single one of my family members and both of my parents are deceased. My family chose not to show much interest in my first born and then couldn't even visit or a phone call for my second born, hence the cut off.
Day to day now though, I now feel anxious and stressed. Lonely and isolated. I don't have many friends anymore either S we moved away.
I seem to have little to no patience with my children. I am the mother I said I would never be. The yelly type and I have even given my eldest some taps on the hand recently as behaviour has been out of control and I feel like a complete failure. Today they were both taking ages to fall asleep and I yelled at them and they both cried because I yelled loudly. They don't deserve this, they deserve someone so much better than me. I am horrible at the moment. I have no help day to day as my partner is gone for 12 hours a day. His mother visits one a week or fortnight for an hour or two and that's it. I am going insane. I feel like I am not coping. The issues with my family are never going to be fixed as that's just the kind of people they are.
I love my kids more than anything but they are getting the worst me everyday at the moment. I am embarrassed that I am like this. I honestly hate myself.
Any advice or suggestions on how to improve myself are welcome.
Welcome to BoomJun to the forum.
If I had a dollar for every time I have heard a woman says she feels like the world's worst mother or heard myself say it or feel it, I would have a lot of money.
There is something about becoming a mother that makes us feel insecure that everyone else is perfect and doing a great job as mother except you.
Is there a mother's group or a play group to join or just women you know with children a similar age for you to meet.
Does your local community health centre have groups for mums with young children to join?
I can understand how upset you felt when family members did not show an interest in you babies, but as you can now see being isolated is very difficult.
You sound like a caring mum as you are concerned about how your behaviour may affect your children.
Do you like walking or going to the park? When my children were small I would pack a lunch and spend half a day in the park, just so I could get outside and have a lovely walk and talk to my children about the trees , flowers and ponds.
Have you been to a doctor or other health professional and told them how you are feeling.
Bringing up a baby and a toddler and being alone because your husband is working long hours and you are isolated from your family, are all things that are very stressful.
If you can find some mothers you can talk to , talk to a doctor and organise yourself some support even if it is talking to other mothers so you know you are not alone.
Thanks for sharing your story.
You are very strong and kind and a very caring mother.
Welcome to the B.B. forums..
Im really sorry your struggling so much.
I also and I think a lot of mum think the same thought as you on being a bad mum.., your struggling atm and it’s important that you try to get yourself well again.
Does your partner know how much your struggling with your thoughts and feelings, I’m thinking maybe you can both sit down and you could tell him about how your struggling...or maybe even your mother in law....Are one or both of them understanding of you and and do you think that they might want to know about how hard it is for you? I’m sure your partner would want to know and try to to help you through this...
If you find you can’t speak to them and let them know maybe you could book a double appointment with you gp and let him/her know... I’m not sure but maybe you have depression or post natal depression ( I am no dr or professional, I am struggling hard at the moment with depression, these are just my thoughts) and talking to your gp about your thought and fears he/she will be able to help you and maybe talking to a therapist/councillor may help you, and he/she will get you started on a mental health care plan....
I don’t think your a bad mum at all, I know that looking after 2 small children and doing so mostly your own can get very overwhelming and tiring which could make you not as patient as you normally are... I’m just wondering if you are you getting enough sleep of a night and if your able to take your children out for a walk in the pram through the day to get yourself some fresh air, I feel walking calms us a little and could settle your beautiful children ready for a nap.....maybe attending a local play group if theirs one available could also be of help to you as you would meet other mums that you could talk to and swap ideas etc...and while your children are playing with other children it gives you a little break...
I wish you all the best, and this is your thread now, so when ever you feel you want to or need to please post at any time...
Kind and caring thoughts,