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Family not in sync

Community Member

This is the first time I've asked anyone, other than my husband, for help. I really don't know what I want to say, so bear with me while I try to put some words down.

I have struggled with anxiety, I'm fairly certain, for most of my life. It wasn't until my beautiful son was around 6 years old and I started doing some research, that I learned what anxiety was all about. I see so much of myself in him, which really scares me. I am a good person and I always aim to do the right thing by others, but at my core, I cannot say with 100% honesty that I have ever been truly happy with myself. I have done so much work on myself over the last 3-4 years that has greatly benefited me and my family, but some days I feel like I have a long way to go. I have read so many books by psychologist, parenting experts, life coaches etc. and attended many seminars and work shops on parenting that I feel have been so helpful. I try to discuss it all with my husband but I feel as though I am wasting my energy.

I feel like we are on totally different pages when it comes to life and parenting our 2 children. We agree on a lot of subjects when we discuss them, but I feel like he just agrees with me at times so I'll just stop talking.

I have always felt less of myself because I never attended university, but at the same time, I would be totally happy if my kids decided not to take that path. All I want is for my kids to be happy, helpful, curious, courageous and kind. I want them to find their passion in life. Something that drives them. Something that lights them up.

I feel like my husband doesn't have that. We have been married almost 13 years and I feel as though he is just going through each day with no spark or determination. I try to speak to him about it, but he is so dismissive. He used to be so affectionate. We hardly ever spend time together due to his work hours, which he says he is trying to change, though I'm not so sure. We have sex less than once a month these days. It's like we're just going through the motions. I don't believe he is attracted to me anymore or that he finds me interesting.

I'm not sure what advice I'm expecting, but some days I feel as though I'm getting everything wrong. I have the most important job in the world in being a parent and I feel so much pressure to get it right. I know that it's pressure I put on myself.


1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Jud,

Welcome to the forum, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and ask for help so well done for getting yourself here.

It sounds like you've been having a rough time and I'm sorry to hear that.

To me it sounds like you need a bit of extra support and help in dealing with whats going on with your anxiety. Books can be a good tool but seeing a psychologist or even speaking with your GP can really help you manage whats happening.

When my depression was at it's worst, talking to my psychologist was an amazing source of support and guidance, I don't think I'd be where I am now without her. Have you considered seeing a health professional? Is this something that you think would be helpful?

When two people have been married for as long as you guys have, it's really common to fall into a routine and as you said, feel like you're just going through the motions and a little bit more effort is needed on both sides to get that "spark" back.

Talk to your husband, as you know communication is key in any relationship. Let him know how you're feeling and whats going on with you. Ask him how he is feeling too, you never know, he might be feeling the same.

Organise a family day or a date night with just the two of you where you can just spend time together, enjoying each others company. It seems simple but it's a good place to start.

Marriage counselling can help if communication is difficult as this would give both of you a chance to talk about how you're feeling.

I understand how hard it is to feel like you're getting it all wrong but you sound like an amazing mum who just needs a little bit of support, as we all do at times.

Post here any time

Take care of yourself