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Family catastrophe *Trigger warning: suicide references
Somehow she improved enough to get dialysis started. And has woken out of her coma. The damage is done though. I have no idea if she can pull through even still.
My mum and I are now left with the issue of raising her 4 little children, these poor children already screwed up from domestic abuse issues now face losing there mum as well. Im finding it very hard to cope but I really have no choice anymore 😞
Other issues include my father having been so abusive during this period of time and throwing his vendetta against my mum at me. He is doing his best to get the kids taken away all out of his own bitterness. Unfortunately my sister put him as her next of kin as well so that carries more issues for us and for the future.
The days I am home away from the kids I mostly just want to sleep and cry. I can't help the resentment I feel for my sister either. Even though I know she's suffering a hell of her own now in a hospital bed and vegetable like body.
And to add to it I know she was planning a suicide attempt.
My heart breaks when I go see her in hospital. She can barely move, hooked up to endless machines, has a tracheotomy even for help breathing and no voice. She has tried lip word things to me but I can't always understand and I feel bad that I can't.
I just don't know whether I can cope and live this life that I now have to. These kids need me, they will never have their mother again. She will always need care and things she can't get living at home if she survives..
Firstly, you are an incredibly strong person Moongoddess. We understand that you would be finding it hard to cope. It sounds like this is a highly tumultuous and emotional time and it must be overwhelming. When there is so many different things happening and requiring attention, take things one step at a time, and try your best to be really gentle with yourself.
Can we ask if you are still receiving mental health support? Please do feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way.
Hopefully a few of our community members will be by to offer some words of support. Please feel free to keep us updated anytime you feel up to it.
First, apart from welcoming you here I'd like to say it is pretty often the case you feel both love, pity and anger at someone. I'm not in the least surprised you feel this way too. Your sister's actions have lead to this situation and the kids are basically stranded.
They are lucky though in your mum and you loving them, not all have that.
You said before al this started you had ongoing depression and BPD, and these will of course be made worse now.
To cope wiht hte situation both oyu and oyur mum need to be in the best condition possible, and also have support. May I asked if you have a medical team, perhaps a GP and a psychologist to help you , give you therapy and maybe meds, and importantly if you trust them a sense of perspective.
You cannot shoulder all this by yourself and it is important you know it. It takes more than one.
You mentioned going home. Do you live away from your mum, father and the kids? If so is there anyone in your life to give you support? Perhaps a partner, another family member or a freind. It makes a world of difference to have that. When I was very ill my wife had her mum, both practical and emotional support, it got her through.
Your father sounds truly horrible and I'm wondering what sort of state your mum is in. By rights she ought to talk with the people that are used to this, 1800RESPECT - 1800 737 732, would be a very good place to try. They can see things are not straightforward and do not offer simplistic answers. Come to think of it it might not hurt for you to ask their advice.
Kids needing you may not be all bad, if they can return love in time that is pretty special.
Look. I know I've not talked about all the problems, but first things first, and that is to get you the best you can be
I hope we talk some more