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Failed relationship

Community Member
So i don't know how to start this as there is a lot more to type than I can.
A year and eight months ago I moved interstate and gave up my old life to move in with someone who I had hoped would be a future for me. Within 2 months of us being together she lost feelings for me but she never told me and let me believe that she still cared for me. On valentines day she broke up with me and I was heart broken. As I was so lost in my own feelings for her I didn't see the red flags that were showing the whole time after those 2 months. The thing that hurts the most isn't that she broke up with me it is that she was using me for that whole time after those 2 months.
I live with her and her mother plus her best friend as of recently still as my circumstances are complicated. Although I am moving out soon I am constantly treated like dirt even though all I have ever done is love and care about her. I guess i am just asking for some advice on how to stay on top of the blues during this time.
Thank you
3 Replies 3

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Josiah

My heart goes out to you as you struggle to cope with the many challenges your ex is throwing your way.

Sounds like she has failed to meet a lot of challenges along the way:

  • The challenge to be honest with you at the 2 month mark
  • The challenge to be more thoughtful in how she chooses to end the relationship
  • The challenge to be considerate while you're still living there

I'm sure the list goes on.

You know how people are known to say 'It's not you, it's me' when they're ending a relationship; it does sound like it is her who has some issues. I'm not saying you're perfect but I am saying that it has been up to her to help manage the relationship and the current living circumstances, through clarity, open communication and honesty and she's failed to help.

Not sure this will help matters but you have every right to question her behaviour, especially if her behaviour is highly questionable. If she is rude, question her rudeness. If she is inconsiderate, question her lack of consideration. If she is abusive, question her abuse. Do not question yourself so much, especially if you're being considerate and thoughtful. Do not enable her choice to not rise to the challenges now. Such a choice is irresponsible on her part. She should be taking responsibility for her behaviour. This situation requires careful management yet it is being managed without care by the sound of it.

Walking out of there with a sense of pride (based on the fact you have rightfully come to question much) is definitely a goal worth considering. Don't leave questioning yourself to the point where it brings you down. If someone has put us down and/or brought us down in a number of ways it can leave us down until we rise to a new way of seeing things, a new perspective. No one has the right to bring us down and keep us there.

Take care and all the best for the future

Thank you for the thoughtful and informative response. I think this is just what I needed to read and think about. The main struggle will be leaving with any sense of self worth or pride but it is something I will have to try and work on as I only just gained it back before I got into that relationship. I just wish I could sit back and not care about her anymore, that way it wouldn't hurt anywhere as much as it does currently.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Josiah,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

All I can say is that things will get better. One day you will look back at this situation and realise that you were destined for better things and someone who truly cares about you.

Sometimes we are given these hard times to make us stronger and to help us grow.

You will get through this