Ex-Wife Has Me Almost Running On Empty

[CaptainCab]

My ex-wife and I are trying to negotiate what's fair for our kids with their time with each parent. We have consent orders in place but so much has changed in our circumstances that it's not really applicable now. To make matters worse she is refusing to budge on her stance and I have made proposals and compromises as to what I believe is best for the kids. She refuses to go to mediation to sort it out and I don't have the time, money or energy to go through Court.

At the moment I see the kids every Sunday for the day but they are desperate to have sleep overs at my place and I have to keep telling them "Mum and Dad are working on it".

I feel like I am breaking inside, giving up to her unreasonable proposals.

[CalmCat]

Hi CaptainCab,

Thank you for being so vulnerable with us, you are brave!

I'm so sorry to hear your going through this with you wife. All I can say is stay strong and remember that compromise isn't a weakness, if a compromise will bring you peace and quiet then choose that road. I know it sounds easy saying this when kids are involved but your mental health is paramount! Kids need a healthy Dad. If calling the Beyond Blue help line will assist you, give it a call! 1300 22 4636.

Let us know your thoughts and how your going.

Regards,

cc

[white knight]

Hi

Just a thought but I wonder if she is worried the child support will drop/cease if your kids stay at your place to often/too long?

I forget the formula but it might be over 30% or do and it is then affected.

Apart from that possibility, financially you're in a catch 22. But I'd suggest it is worth saving for you and your kids future.

Having sleep overs is part of a parent/child relationship. You're ex might be just selfish.

TonyWK

[CaptainCab]

She doesn't strike me as the type to be in it for the child support but having said that she has kindly offered that if I attend all medical appointments for the kids that I get to pay 50% of the medical fees in order to provide my input as a Father.

The other thing is she takes the kids to Church on Friday evenings and Saturday day and she is not willing to budge from that even though she never consulted with me about starting them up in Church which is a major decision to be made by BOTH parents.

I am looking into applying for a Parenting Order where the Court will deem what is in the best interest for the kids as my reasonable requests are being shot down over her heightened emotions and resentment towards me.

[white knight]

Hi

The parenting order is good. I'm certain you'll get an order allowing you overnight stays. Her stubbornness is not unusual. In fact the level of stubbornness displayed by my ex in making decisions without consultation was hurtful, I felt like a sperm donor.

Just remember in my case and maybe yours your children are subjected to the same attitude and that's why my eldest came to live we with me at 12yo and never went back.

TonyWK

[CaptainCab]

Thanks Tony,

I just can't let her get away with this and I will need to fight the best way I can within my means.

My kids are young and I have many years of co-parenting with their Mum so hopefully this puts things into place.

[geoff]

Hello CaptainCab, I'm sorry for this position you are in, as taking the kids to church on Friday night and Saturday needs to be agreed upon by both parents, but your kids may not want to go, especially if it's forced upon them.

My twin and I were told to go to Sunday school, but we never did, instead going to the park and kicking a football.

What else is happening is she has said you can visit the kids as long as you pay 50% of the medical bills, doing this is reasonable but not when it's used against you in this manner, I'm sure you are more than happy to pay for whatever, but not as a way like this.

Some breakups are sensible in the conditions outlaid, but there are times when you are told to do whatever suits her can be unreasonable.

I think applying for a Parenting Order is a good way, especially when your kids want to sleep over at your place and not be forced to do anything that they may not want to do.

Just be prepared for any extraordinary claims that are made against and wish you all the best.

Geoff.