estranged

[Estrangement]

I struggle on and off some days i manage better then others its just me and my dog and cat. My three adult children do not communicate and have not given me any rreason why they have shut me out... I am a christian and lean on that faith, but sometimes the hurt runs so deep,, Its not knowing why, and i heard it said we know why thats not true I do not know why,,,,, I know the marriage was difficult and abusive situation but i was a kind gentle mother, I had epilespy in those yers and had many seizures, after 25 years and out off that marriage, I have been the last 20 odd years seizure free. I believe that they where caused from the stress off that life... However thats over 2o years now their father has passed on and I attemped to reach out to them but the door is closed with no exclamation. So at times i get very sad indeed .

[mmMekitty]

Hello Estrangement, & welcome to the forums

This is a sad situation for you, being estranged from your children. If I'm reading your post correctly, your children were young when your marriage ended? & a lot of time has passed since then. This fact alone could make it more difficult for them to want to reconcile & re-establish a relationship with you.

From my own perspective, having not seen my mother since I was 4 years old, definitely had an effect upon my willingness to re-establish a relationship some 60 years later. I am now so confused by differing stories, it's simply too painful to want to know anymore. I can't ask them (my parents) anymore, both being deceased. There was no opportunity for them to lay it all out for their children to see & understand, so we've had to get on with our lives. My siblings have done so more successfully than I have.

Now they are adults, there is very little you can do. You have, I'm guessing, 'left the door open' for them. Their response to your attempts to communicate would seem to indicate they have made their decisions.

Reading what you wrote, I'm in no doubt this is painful for you. I think, you are feeling you have lost them, but know they are still alive, so you can't let go. Is that how you feel? I think you are also feeling a great emptiness without them in your life, & this will continue to be a deep sorrow for you, for a long time.

Your dog & cat, wonderful as they are, cannot fill this sort of loneliness & grief. & I don't know that I have an answer for that.

All I would suggest is continuing to make contact, occasionally, but not necessarily only on Birthdays or holidays, but at other non-important days, too - maybe once every month or two? Have you enquired if there are any grand-kids you 'would love to be grandma to'? Do you have any pictures or momentos you might like to pass on to them?

I'd love to hear what others here might have to offer. It's really difficult coming from the other side of this discussion.

For my own sake, I am trying to understand & think about what would I feel & do.

Hugzies

mmMekitty