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estranged mother with undiagnosed mental illness

Community Member
My mother has not acknowledged my existence (or my brothers) since his first child was born. That was 12 years ago. During time her mother passed on and she told us there would be a large inheritance for us. At the time my husband was chronically ill and my bro was expecting his first child so we both could have used the money. Suddenly all communication with my mum about her mothers will dwindled. When we asked what was happening she sent my bro a letter from her lawyers demanding he payback a small loan with interest!! When asked to attend her first grandchild christening she begrudgingly came but avoided any gentle questions we had for her saying there was no money. All throughout my life she has been manipulative, judgemental, harsh, paranoid etc. She has sent back letters unopened that I have sent to her to try and figure out what is going on. Subsequently she has 2 other grandchildren of which 1 she doesnt know about. My mother is getting old and im wondering if I should get back in touch and try again or let bygones be bygone. I must admit that I have thrived since my mother cut herself out of my life through my own hardwork and determination.
3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Daisy, hi and thanks for your comment, which seems to be that you are caught up in a catch-22 situation.

At one moment she says that there will be a large inheritance, then next she wants some money back with interest and then says she has no money, well this would be rather confusing, especially when you are in desperate need of money, and only hoping it could be handed down, which is normally protocol.

You say that she is old, I'm 60 and are often referred to as being old, point taken, and as we become older our sanity does begin to dwindle, and I'm suggesting in any way that this happened with your mother, however as you have said that you' feel much better through your own hard work and determination', which is a great effort.

I would suggest for you to leave it alone and let 'bygones be bygones', and in the event that there is a large amount of money left in her will and not distributed fairly then you have the option of contesting her final decision.

A will can only be made by someone of 'sound mind', so if she was forced to sign a piece of paper not knowing what it is, then it's illegal. Geoff.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Daisy,

Thanks for sharing your story. I agree with Geoff, I think his advice is sound. You have made tremendous strides to normalize your own life, unless you feel very adamant that a) a reconciliation with your mother is absolutely necessary; and b) no matter what the outcome of this attempt is, your life will not be affected by the result, then it may be best left alone for now.

If your mother needs you at some point, or as she begins to face her own mortality, then you may hear from her. You can deal with it at the time.

All the best to you.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Daisy, apologies as I have to rephrase my comment because I have left out some important noun when I said 'I'm suggesting in any way that this happened with your mother' as it should be ' not suggesting', and thanks for Steve who obviously thought that that was what I meant.

Sorry. Geoff.