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Ending of a 4 year relationship

Community Member

Hi my name is Donna and I have just hit the 50 years, which I thought I would of had it together by now

I suffer anxiety and depression and a few other physical problems also

I was in a 4 year relationship with a gentleman and mainly his 10 year old daughter when cyclone Debbie hit our small town

we both lived separately but his residents got completely trashed by flood waters so I brought him and his 10 year old daughter and also his pregnant older daughter to stay with me for 3 months why there house was being fixed , it was a bit tense at times but we all manage , I went out of my way to help clean gather and rebuild what we could , which also grew extremely close to his youngest daughter in that time , when they finally got to move back to there house , after helping set everything up , applying for funds gaining washing machines beds and what ever eles was available all communication suddenly stopped

its been 3 months and I get the occasional phone call from the 10 year old

but what hurts most is she called the other day to tell me dad has been seeing another women for some time

so basically I have been heart broken and also stomped on

this man I thought was my best friend and soul mate

yet while he was living under my roof he was creating a relationship with some one eles

how does one get over that , I am waking every day with a broken heart and to think I was used as a convenience for a shelter in a storm so to speek

it is a smalll town and seeing any of them would shatter me now

I know time heels all wounds but I thought at 50 I was a better judge of character

not feeling to positive about the future

and I have never trusted many people and this makes me even more cautious

10 Replies 10

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Donna, how upsetting this must be for you, in fact you were only being used by him, and he certainly doesn't have any respect for you, and his 10 year daughter feels the guilt at such a young age.
When you realise what type of person he is, then who knows whether he's going to do exactly the same with this other lady, and I'm sure people like him will keep on doing this, and in the meantime hurting everyone along the way.
If you want to keep in touch with his 10 year old daughter, may or may not help you, in other words, if you want to know what's going on with him, then you are going to be locked in a state of asking yourself 'why', however if you say that you don't want to know anything about him then a real f/ship could develop.
It's hard to love someone who's a cheater, and that's precisely who he is and will use as many people up as he can, not only in pretending to be in love but also in many other ways, including what he says to his mates, and if he works he will tell someone something but do exactly the opposite, so you will never be able to trust him.
If you need to talk to a psychologist then please get a referral from your doctor, but if you can forget all about him from what I've said, I'd really like to know, but don't worry if you still feel let down, I'd still like to know. Geoff.

Community Member

Thankyou Geoff

for your kind and wise words

I know he will never change and it's sad as his daughter was a lovely soul but she is still young and has the strong influence of her father

life goes on and I strongly beleave in karma even though sometimes it takes a long time for it to happen

it just makes me feel quite sad that I was so stupid to be used for such a long period of time and the energy I wasted in helping someone I thought was a true friend

but to be able to even just type it here is a form of releasing my thoughts and feelings as I'm not one who shares them with friends or family and this man was , well worked his way into my heart where I felt comftable sharing with him

but thankyou once again for your kind and wise words

my eyes leek as I write this

Hello Deelee

Welcome to Beyond Blue. It is painful enough to lose someone you love but when that person has simply used and abused you it becomes humiliating as well. You helped him through a difficult time and I can only imagine what is was like when the cyclone hit.

You are already a strong person to help him with cleaning up his home and house his family while repairs were being made. Well you know all about him now and have no reason to be sad on his account. I think you are grieving for the loss of the person you once knew and discovered he was never there at all.

I smiled when you said you were 50 and thought you were a better judge of character. Unfortunately we are always at risk when we trust someone and the alternative of not trusting makes for a lonely life. You thought you were better judge but when someone wants to charm you they will do everything to make you believe in them. It's really hard.So it was a sympathetic smile because I think we never stop trusting.

Writing has always been a good outlet for pent up emotions. Get a journal and write all your thoughts in it. One day you will burn it when you have been healed. Please write in here as often as you wish. We are always here.


Thankyou Mary

and you are so true when you said that I am sad for the person I once knew as I know now that he will never be the person I once loved again

i know with time I will feel less pain and already with comforting words from total strangers I already feel a little stronger

I know to let it o

I know time will make things better it is just the inbetween andalready with some words from strangers I feel a little better


Hello Donna

How are you going? I thought I would drop in and see what is happening in your world.

Time is the great healer, or so the saying goes, but it doesn't help when you are going though a bad time. We want time to speed up and get us past the ucky stuff.

I don't want to sound prosy or moralising but I wonder if there is anything in this experience you can take away as a good thing or a learning experience. Some once told me that she always looked for the good parts when she was dealt any blow. Mt reaction was, to myself, that it may work for you but not for me because I have been hurt harder. A bit difficult to believe this as I had no idea what problems she had in the past.

Well I tired and realised I could find good things, it wasn't all a dead loss. Perhaps one of the good things is the realisation that you do care about people and want to help those in trouble. Just because he was self-centred man does not detract from your innate kindness and ability to care. Perhaps you may like to think about this.


Thankyou Mary

i total agree with you in finding the positives in all situations and I know in time it will get better

but at the moment things seem to be building up on me and the realisation of being alone after what I thought was one of my best friends eft me is pretty hard as I was the first there to help pick the pieces up and now I have had a health scare to top things of and looks like I'm in for a battle for my health with no one to help me through a pretty scary time

but this seems to be the way of my life of late when I'm down there seems to be no one to help pick me up although I have manage prior , but I seem to be helping others out when they are down

I just wish someone was there for me to pick me up , my dogs make me smile so at least that is a positive at the moment but occasionally a loving hug would be nice

thanks for checking in Mary

my eyes still leak daily xx

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Deelee, there are times when we hope karma does happen, sometimes it may take a long time or it could happen quickly, that's what we don't know, and there are a few situations where I'm still waiting, but it may have occurred, I just haven't been told and may not, but you and I just hope we can get some recompense and there are others who feel exactly the same as we do, so you're not alone. Geoff.

Donna, may I ask what the health scare is about? I had my second go with breast cancer not long ago. Surgery, radiation treatment and now medication. I had the first go in 2001 and the second in 2015. Not bad odds with 14 years between.

Yes it does seem unfair that after we help someone we find no one there to support us. I used to think that and I have found some very dear friends so it can be done.


Mary the health scare is a large lump which was originally thought to be condritis but now they are , well I also am concerned for breast cancer , am having scans and ultrasound Monday and hopefully will have the results back by the end of the week , . But this also concerns me as have other issues in lower back which no one has been able to diagnose for around the time I guess my lump has been getting larger,

this has all taken place while hosting my guest and being concerned for there welfare instead of my own , but what causes more anxiety and tipping on major depression is my doctor of 10 years has left and I am trying to find a new doctor who doesn't put all my issues down to menapause

I am glad you have pulled through your cancer treatment and found good friends on th other side of it , am hoping it's just something simple but my state of mind fears the worse

thankyou Geoff and Mary for concerning for me

it's nice to know there are good souls still left even if it is only in cyber space