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Ending my engagement.

Community Member
Hi first time posting
My partner and I have been engaged for about 1.5 years and together for a total of 4
In the past few months a lot of stuff has happens that I am still not ready to talk about, but in short, three very major events were hidden from me with lies, and deceptions keeping me content for over a month (I had no reason not to trust her)
I then became aware of the truth when the police had to get involved... I was told an outline of the events that had occurred from an officer that is known personally to myself and my partner.
A police investigation commenced, however my partner was painfully unwilling to assist.
After couples councilling, I believed I could put things behind us and my partner promised not to hide things or lie to me again.

Yesterday, my partner was out with friends when I got a knock at the door from more police, asking what my partner was doing the night before... i was out with mates so i truthfully didn't know. When my partner returned the questioned her. After questioning one of the officers informed me that there had been another incident.
After they left I asked my partner about it and she said it was nothing.. I pushed and she relented, telling me that there had been an incident days earlier and she hadn't told me about it.

I am at my wits end... we spoke earlier today, I said I wasn't happy with her excuse for not telling me, she didnt give me any more info... I said I don't think I can cope with this any more and need a break from everything. Lots of tears and yelling/abuse from her and she left to see a friend.

So that's where I'm at at the moment. I'm.not sure what the next step is or if I am being unreasonable. I don't feel like i trust her anymore but i still love her so much.
1 Reply 1

Just Sara
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi and welcome Marty;

It's brave of you to write here asking for advice as most would suffer in silence, so well done!

I can honestly say after reading through your post; definite Red Flag! Marriage is about trust, liking each other and being able to go the distance with the 'practicalities' of surviving together. Both need to be committed you know?

We're all flawed and hopefully mature and learn better ways as we age, and decisions we make along the way determine positive/negative future outcomes.

I'm not sure what your fiancé's doing, but (in my opinion) having police knocking on your door isn't something to help build a trusting and productive relationship on.

It takes two of course, so it's up to you whether you want to persevere with things or cut your losses and move on. Her response isn't what I'd call helpful or humble either.

I admire you for seeing a therapist together too; most men don't engage in such activities so kudos for reaching out.

Please keep posting as having a safe space to talk is therapeutic in itself. Whatever decision you make will be supported by me and other caring members.

I wish you well and hope to hear from you again;

Kind thoughts;