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I need a space to talk and to vent.
I fear for a while now I've become a burden to everyone around me and my breakup of a long term relationship 8 months ago has left me feeling numb and emotionless like a huge whole is empty inside of me. The breakup was a good thing he was emotionally abusive, manipulative and gaslight me. He would withhold sex from me and patronise me. I fear carrying around this heartache for 4+years has now left me with that empty void and I don't know how to fill it.
i hate that he moved on within a month and erased me. he is happy in his new relationship and I'm miserable in my life unable to move on. he left me and never spoke to me again.
he had major depression.l I nursed him through this, and a suicide attempt. He lived with me for a year where we got him the help he needed. When I was down and out it was simply something I'd made up in my head. I feel he used me to get better so he could move on and be happy. an example of this was when told him I was struggling with mental health and that I felt as though I wasn’t a very important person and was very upset, we were in bed together and he was on his phone the whole time. He said ‘can we talk about this in the morning, I’m tired’ I said ok, and I rolled over to go to sleep and he opened youtube and started watching videos. Couldn’t see a problem with this behaviour
I'm so tired of crying and so tired of thinking about him but he has left me a total wreck. i feel worthless and like a piece of discarded crap.
Eleanor Roosevelt said something like 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent'. I understand that that is really simplistic. I have been gas-lighted too, and I know just how insidious it can be. It crawls into your mind, and you start to think 'You know what? Maybe he's right'.
From my perspective, it is this that proves that he is not right. You are demonstrating empathy, and a willingness to admit fault. There is no relationship where the fault is solely on one person. For you to be willing to admit that maybe you're wrong, proves that the fault is not entirely yours. And to be honest? It's more likely that the fault is very little on your side.
I hope this helps a little. Let me reiterate that you are NOT worthless. Everyone has value. Self-care is very important, as it getting kindness and reassurance from those with your best interests at heart. It doesn't sound like this guy does. Try this on... I bet that there are lots of people in your life that tell you good things about yourself. Try and believe their opinions as much as you take his on. Easier said that done, I know. I'm in a similar situation.
I truly wish you the best. You deserve it.