Empty Nest??

[Melncoly]

I'm feeling so sad, lost and it feels like my soul has been crushed...again.

I'll try not to go off on a tangent but I will also start from the beginning.

My daughter moved from Perth to Sydney 6 years ago when she was 12 to live with her father.

This broke my heart as I had been the sole parent to her for 8 years. We had a great life, but then I met my now husband who is amazing and right from the start my daughter held a grudge against him as she had never lived or shared her time with anyone but me. Life got tough, she started lying to her friends and making up far fetched stories about our life to everyone. We tried so hard to help put her on the right track, but in the end she made the choice to move to Sydney to live with her father and his family where she completed high school, completed a part time tafe course that has her qualified in childcare, had a casual job while at school, had a school formal and got her driver's license.

All of these things as a parent I had to experience from across the other side of the country. It was hard not being there to be apart of her teenage life.

We spoke regularly on the phone and became closer even though we were so far apart. She came back to Perth for holidays a handful of times, but holidays are always better than "real life"

Things started to get tough for her at the end of last year and to cut a long story short, she made the choice to relocate back to Perth for a fresh start.

YAYYYYY!!! My "little" girl was finally coming home. My husband, but more so me were over the moon!!

We've had just over 3 months with her and this week she told us she's moving back to Sydney in a weeks time. She says she's not happy here, she's working casual at a supermarket, she hasn't made any friends and hasn't landed a childcare job that she so wants to have.

I'm heartbroken and cannot believe this is happening again. I feel I haven't had enough time with her. My heart hurts so much, I feel like a apart of me is dying, my soul feels shattered and I don't know how i'm going to get through this...again.

All I want is for her to be happy but i'm not ready to say goodbye.

[james1]

Hello Melncoly

You sound so sad in your post, I'm a little bit lost for words of advice to be honest.

It sounds there are a few things in your mind from the grief of "losing" your child to her adult life to the worry that she's not happy in Perth and that, maybe, she won't be happy in Sydney either. For this to happen a second time must be so painful.

It is easy for me to say, but these feelings are all very understandable. As a parent, your children will inevitably leave and where they go, you can never really predict. Life takes us all over the place and, in a way, we need to find ways to hold on to those we love most in different ways.

You mentioned you used to speak on the phone very regularly. That is certainly something that can continue when she goes back. As she finds work, she may even be able to make more frequent trips back. I know it's not the same as having her here with you, but she is living her life the best she knows how.

Perhaps other parents on the forums here can give some more practical advice, but I just wanted to let you know we can hear your pain, and hope that you can continue to post here for support as you need.

James

[Melncoly]

Thank you James for your reply and positive thoughts and reassurance about my situation.

I'm trying my best to look forward to the future for my daughter and know I need to stay strong so I don't spiral into a the same dark place i've been before.

It is nice to know there are people that care and I thank you again.

[Becstar]

Hi Melncoly,

I had a very similar situation and my son left home suddenly after 16 years with me and my heart was broken.

After 12 months we reconnected and Im so happy that we have had an opportunity to build a stronger, healthier relationship. It has taken work from both of us but well and truly worth it.

If my son wanted to go interstate at this point I would try to support him in any way I could and I would try to be happy for him. I would miss him incredibly.

Can you talk to your daughter and explain how much you love her and how much you have enjoyed having her back in your life? Will you be able to talk to her regularly and continue to build your relationship?

I really understand it's not the same as having your daughter living with you but it might only be temporary and she might feel free to come back to live near you when the time is right

I hope it all works out well for you and your family xx