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Empty ASD Mama

Community Member

Hi all,

I have 3 small children, and my eldest (7.5yo) is on the autism spectrum. Most people would never know that, she appears like any other 7.5yo, but her behaviours at home are very different to those in public. I’m struggling with them.

She’s currently spending a few days with her aunt at the beach. This is the first break I’ve ever had from her and I thought it would help, but now I realise that I don’t miss her. In fact, I don’t feel anything about her. Or my other kids. Or my husband. Or anything, really. All I want to do is sit and do nothing, in silence, looking at my phone.

I realise of course that this isn’t normal. You know all that talk about stress and how in ancient times we would confront a tiger and our cortisol levels would rise, and then we’d either go into fight, flight or freeze mode, but either way the stressor would go away and our cortisol levels would drop and we’d be ok?? Well what are you supposed to do when your ‘tiger’ is your daughter? There is no respite from the stress.

We’re all told that ‘good’ parents don’t yell, or shame or smack or anything other than acknowledge their child’s ‘big feelings’ and foster a deep loving connection. What are you supposed to do when your child doesn’t care about connection, and just keeps on being a tiger?? All those feelings of rage and frustration and grief just get suppressed - and now here I am, not feeling anything about anything. Hating school holidays, not enjoying my family, just waiting for it all to end.

So. Can anyone help me out with a next step to dig myself out of this hole? Is this something you see a GP or psych about, or is this just my life now?

Thanks for getting this far. xx

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Guest1865

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the strength to post too!

Im sorry that you are going through this dark place....Its not pleasant at all

I understand you as my daughter was hell bent on giving me pain when she was 13...hormones and all....It was horrible.

You are more than welcome to be a part of our humble forum family here if you want to 🙂

If I can say there is no such word as 'normal' as none of us are....even all the other mums too...

Without being rude in any way can I ask you how much help/assistance you are getting from your husband? I have long term clinical depression (under management with my legend GP) and before that chronic anxiety..ugh

I dont think you have to dig your yourself out of a hole at all. You have some dark clouds above you and yes having a really good vent (or a good cry) will bring you more relief than you know

Please make a double appointment with your GP as soon as you can and have a really good vent.....You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so

I still see my doc every four weeks for a 'vent' (tune up) with my issues...It can take the pain away after a few visits.

It would be a bonus if you could stick around the forums too! (if you wish) Please let us know your thoughts and how you are going. The forums are a rock solid safe and judgement free place for you.

My Kind thoughts for you


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Wow! This is my 1st forum visit and it's like I wrote your post! My 6yo son sounds very similar to your daughter. I'm no expert (hell, I came here as I was desperate 😔) but you need to look after yourself 1st and foremost. Maybe chat to your GP and get a referral to talk to a professional. You sound exhausted- parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done. Can you get a break, maybe overnight somewhere alone? Be kind to yourself.