Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Emotional Manipulator/ Toxic Relationship

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Any general advice for removing oneself from a toxic relationship…?

I have been troubled and stuck in this for almost a year. I have tried to break from him many times. Background - i'm 28, he's 41. I'm isolated and lonely

I have read some things on emotional abusers - he does this, to a tee. and Emotional manipulators …

- makes you feel guilty for everything

- forces his insecurities on you

- makes you doubt yourself

- makes you responsible for his emotions (also tied in with guilt)

- makes you believe that HE wants what YOU want, and vice versa

Additionally, i am so disappointed in myself, because people will treat you how you allow them to treat you. I feel disgusted with myself, And its not that he treats me poorly - but he is so pushy and smothering. Its more that I can bear.

Please give me the strength to be strong.

8 Replies 8

Vegetarian Marshmallow
Community Member
Find some friends and general independence (own income and life skills), so your support network, emotional needs (love, respect, belonging, etc.), and physical needs (a roof, food) aren't tied up exclusively in someone you don't want to be with. Basically, what are the things you get from him? Find those things elsewhere. Then it'll be easy to stay away.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Cleo, there can be a couple of problems that you maybe afraid of, one that you are scared of what he may do by stalking, emotional and/or physical ways, or that it's your house, furniture and all the goods that you may have to leave behind, but you mustn't be conned into believing you are doing a disservice, remember you're not running away, you're escaping a toxic r/ship, which is only going to get worse over time.
I don't know whether or not he has an addiction, but if he does then your situation will only be worse.
He has made you feel like this probably from day one, and honours himself in front of his mates skitting of his power over you and belittling everything you do.
There's one important issue here, and if it's your place and want him to go then that maybe a rather difficult, but can be overcome, so I hope you can let us know about that.
There are various options to choose from, but first of all can you let us know who has signed the lease. Geoff.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Cleo, it definitely sounds like you are in an abusive relationship which can be very hard to get out of. Do you have a trusted friend or family you could stay with to get some space for him? You could even see a psychologist or ring a help line for some advice. Abusive relationships are difficult because you want to leave but you can't as this person has manipulated you so much. I think the important thing to note is that you will be so much happier with someone who doesn't try to control or belittle you, who helps you develop and extend yourself. You really deserve that. I don't know if you want to settle down and have children, but think about the kind of father you might want for your child. I'm sure this man doesn't fit that picture. The other day someone said to me "I want to be proud of the person I'm in a relationship with" and I think that's a really beautiful image. End this once and for all (maybe even have someone nearby or with you when you end the relationship) because you know you deserve the very best. I believe in you! You can do it!

Community Member


I know what u are going through

I too was stuck in a relationship like this for over 2 year.

Youtube helped me to final learn how to get free.

Stay safe

Community Member

Hi it sounds like he is insecure and immature.Is he truly disrespectful or just unsophisticated in dealing with his relationship with you?

If you are leaving get the support you need first.I would talk to your Doctor as well who should be able to support you.

Good luck

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Yeah he is insecure. Immature - i am unsure. I would hope he respects me, but he disrespects my wishes and what I say, "this is what love is" "relationships are all about" so trying to make my feelings seem incorrect, untrue, misguided - he uses this term a lot

i believe i love him, but that is not enough. a relationship should not be filled with so much push from one side - his side

i am trying very hard.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
thankyou. what you tube posts helped you?

Hello jessica

I have found it hard. but i am making steps forward. I have spoken with a psychologist whom actually told me to be very careful because he exhibited obsessive like tendencies. which she said could flip into violence

He does manipulate me, as you say. and has this pattern down to a fine art. He makes me feel guilty, sorry for him, i want to make sure he's ok, he pushes and makes my reasoning seem silly - i cave and it begins again.

He does try to control me, and will not take no for an answer. Example, Driving me to work - literally he asks once, i say no, he pushes the point 8-10 times and i just say yes to end the conversation - so he gets his way

Even as i type this, i cannot believe some of these things

You're right…! so right. i DESERVE someone who helps you develop and extend myself, to be proud of and to be at one and at peace with.

I want children, and a family - i feel its my purpose of life. And my destiny.

It is finished, as difficult as it is for me here at the moment, thank you for your faith and warmth