Hi Popey,
I hope you dont mind if I just let out some thoughts as they come.
I am sorry of the way your husband reacted to your advances. And trust me when I say do understand how you felt. I think the worst part of your post was the lack of any sort of response.
So I hear that you use the iPad as a remote control for the TV and the same device had your husband's messages on it. What happens if a message appears when you use the device as remote?
Another thought... It is easy to jump to the worst case scenario when we read something.
Can I ask what communication is like between you and your husband? And I refer to the deeper conversations really. I have been seeing a psychologist for a while about depression and anxiety and sometimes that had moved into family matters. Long story short, one of my homework items will be to talk to my wife about that something in the session. This requires me to show a little vulnerability. Having had the conversation I do feel better afterwards.
If I cold make a suggestion... it would be conversation about sex, physical intimacy, where you can both be open and honest. In light of recent events it could be bad. It could be a chance of renewing the relationship. How does the not knowing effect you at the moment?
Whether you bring up the matter of the message is another thing.
Fwiw... I have had this conversation myself in different circumstances.
