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Elderly and feel alone in the world
Hi, this is my first post. I am 72 and am experiencing overwhelming loneliness due to death of my husband and disconnection from my two sons plus I live alone. I am active doing voluntary work in the community, have regular coffees with friends, keep busy in the garden and taking part in clubs, and do all the things recommended by Beyond Blue to help. Rejection by my sons and their wives means I don't get to see my grandchildren. Without family I want to end the pain.
Welcome to BB. I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone. I'm a little younger than you - 60 soon.
I can't imagine how the loss of a husband makes you feel. I think a lot about it though. My husband is 4 years older than me; he has many chronic health conditions; & men usually die sooner than women. But for all my imagining, I bet it will be nothing to what the reality will be.
Hats off to you for doing all the things everyone advises. I know that I won't be able to do nearly as much as you are. I'm just sorry though that your efforts are not being rewarded with a feeling of more fulfillment.
As for your sons, no-one has the capacity to hurt us as much as our children can, do they? I have 3 daughters, but one has disowned me for not being her idea of a good enough mum. She has 2 children & I never see or hear of them. I console myself by remembering my goal was to raise independent, decisive young women (I was a single mum). She's certainly making her own decisions!
I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you. More often than not, I imagine myself feeling as you do now when I reach that stage of my life.
I hope someone else will answer you & we might both find ways to make life more meaningful.
Take care, Lyn.
I just want to reach through this screen and give you a big hug. I can't imagine the pain in all the loss you have suffered but by God, the strength you have mustered up to keep occupied is tremendous.
Grief affects us all as you well know. It affects us in different ways and what can be a minor disagreement with someone can be perceived as a major rejection or even antagonisation.
I'm don't know how long it's been since you lost your husband, I know it still hurts. Your boys and their wives rejecting you - more pain. I wonder if you have read the section on grief and loss. If not, it's in "The Facts" menu then "Grief and Loss". I wonder if you identify with any of the stages of grief still. I'm not saying that once you reach the last stage everything is rosey. I'm wondering if you might be at stage 3 or 4. Not only for your husband, but your family as well. Them cutting off contact is a loss and it's a similar process - we grieve for the loss.
Do you have anyone professional to talk to? your GP or a counsellor? It can be difficult to get through grief alone sometimes and there are some ways that can make the trip a bit less painful. Being honest with your emotions and acknowledging them is one way. I'm sometimes frightened to allow a thought to go any further because of the emotion I think it will cause. I've since learnt that allowing them to happen, can be helpful.
Forgive me if I intrude. You might have a thought about how you and your husband used to say a particular thing or share a favourite meal. It's fine to reflect on those memories. They help you find that place in your heart for your husband where memories change from pain to fondness.
Same with the boys - perhaps they are grieving and something was said out of grief or blame was laid. Some time and honesty with your thoughts and emotions might help.
Birthday cards and Christmas cards can often help let the family know you are still thinking of them in an unintrusive way.
What are your thoughts Roxi?
Sorry for your lost and imagine how difficult would be - And you are not alone. treat yourself kind, send you a big hug, If you want, we would check on you now and then.. just say how are you feeling today?