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Don't know where I stand with childhood Best Friend

Community Member


I am absolutely awful at gauging my relationships with other people, and am anxious to reach out from fear of being rejected by some of my favourite people. And so I have this friend in my life, probably one of my favourite people in my life.

We have known each other since pretty much birth, and were absolutely inseparable during preschool and primary school. We grew up together and were each others only real friends. Then high school rolled around, and as he went off to a private school, I went to a selective one. We still somehow managed to keep a pretty solid connection until at least year 11, messaging regularly and meeting every fortnight or so. But somehow, as if in an instant, we just kinda stopped talking, with no bad blood or drama.

But then after about 9 months of practically no contact since our last meetup, he messaged with the whole "its been so long! we should go out". And we went out and had the most fun I have had in a long time. We instantly connected with our old spark, and somehow it had felt like no time passed, and we kept asking each other why we don't ever see each other anymore, and we expressed intentions to resume a consistent friendship. We were both exactly the same as we had been in the early years of high school, and he knew about events that had happened in my life. I know that the feeling was mutual as we both talked about it the next day. And then it stopped again, for about 10 months and here we are today. We exchanged birthday messages but that's about it.

I am currently extremely in my head about what his true opinions of me are. Is he still a true friend to me and does he enjoy my company? Because I sure as hell do. I am currently really desperate to reach out as he was technically the last one to do so, but there is a fear in the back of my head that my favourite person will tell me he just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's kind of a crushing anxiety and is trickling into my ability to make new friends at uni. We are both 19 and studying at uni 3 days a week, but I know he sometimes has time to hang out with friends as per social media. I tend to overthink everything. Always. But this person is so important to me that I don't want to damage anything. You can't be rejected by someone if you never reach out, right?

Thank you all x

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Caspar

Welcome to bb and thank you for taking the time to post.

Throughout our lives different people come in and go out of them.

  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that we spend every day with.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that we can share anything and everything with.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that we see on and off again, but are always friends.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that we see more off than on, but we are always friends.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that call us when we are doing good.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that run away when we are not so good.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that stand by us through thick and thin.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that we know for a short while.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that we know for a long long while.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that only take from us.
  • Sometimes, some friends, are those that always give to us.

My best friends are those that are always friends, regardless of time or distance between us. For example: my best friend from school, we speak with each other every couple of years or so (I'm in my 50's now). And every time we get together, it's like we've been best of friends continuously from our schooldays, and we have... just with a few big breaks between get-togethers.

Perhaps you found your friend across time and distance. Those ones are rare, and good to keep ahold of. I wouldn't fret too much, just keep him up to date through whatever methods you have available, and don't be afraid to ask out for coffee from time to time.


Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Caspar~

It can be very worrying to know where you sit in a relationship, and the temptation to let things slide and not 'get hurt' can be pretty strong.There is another temptation too, to think if things are not going along as you might like then in some way it is one's own fault, not interesting enough, to clingy, misreading signs .... the list goes on. Most often none of that self-blame is warranted, circumstances play a very big part.

Reading your story two things stand out. The first is that at the moment your lives have gone separate ways and the opportunity for friendship on a daily basis is no longer there - you are not thrown together by circumstances and any meeting is something that has to be planned.

Maybe with both at uni there may be more chances to get together.

The other thing is the fact you were able to fall back and enjoy the old interactions and relationship so quickly and easily - a real sign of friendship.

You worried about reaching out and doing damage, frankly I think you will do more damage both to yourself and your friendship if you don't. Not only will it make you more reluctant in other situations in the future but a friendship does take two parties to keep it alive

What do you think?