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Don't know what you've got til it's gone
Very recently (about 5 days ago) my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. I knew there had been problems (long distance being the main one) but we had talked them through and agreed to make things work only a few days previously so I didn't see it coming and it left me reeling.
We had been friends for many years before we started dating and, knowing I would be moving interstate for university, I was reluctant to ever start a serious long distance relationship for fear of losing my best friend. But we went ahead and unfortunately that is what happened.
We are both incredibly busy with our degrees and our uni lives and I can accept that long distance is a huge strain on any relationship, particularly when there is no end date in sight. I understand that he called it off in order to focus on his own life and friends but I'm having a hard time accepting that it's really over, especially seeing as now I've lost the person I loved more than anything and my best friend.
Last semester my anxiety sky rocketed due to increased classes and I became quite depressed. He didn't know how to deal with it and I was continually frustrated by his inability to fix what I was feeling, although realistically the only person who could help me was myself. Because of this, I'm really blaming myself for the relationship ending- what if I'd tried harder, been more understanding, told him how much I really loved him etc etc. I feel like I pushed him into a position where his only choice was to get out and now he seems fine and I can barely breathe let alone function as a normal human and focus on work and classes.
I'm trying my hardest to be positive and see this break up as an opportunity for a fresh start but it's hard to deal with the constant waves of grief and regret that keep threatening to overwhelm me and the constant hope that we will get back together. I know it takes time but if anyone has any tips on dealing with these situations in the short term I would love the hear them.
Welcome to the Community here at Beyond Blue. We have a lot of Uni people writing in sharing their struggles. It seems that Uni is hard enough let alone having relationship troubles as well.
Are there counsellors and support people at the Uni who can help you get back on track with your studies?
Do you have family near you, or even whom you can talk to about how you are feeling?
Do you have friends whom you can go out with? Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could be involved in to help you feel better about your life right now?
Over the years I have learnt that blaming myself or others for what has happened only leads to feelings of bitterness and regret. Depression and anxiety are hard enough to deal with.
There is a lot of information on this site about how to get help, how to better understand what you are feeling and how to deal with it all.
You may also benefit from using the phone help line on 1300 22 4636.
It may help if you write out how you are feeling. You don't need to show it to anyone, just getting your thoughts out of your mind can be helpful.
You could make a list of things you would like to achieve this week. Pick one thing and try to do it. Cross it off the list and congratulate yourself for your achievement.
Relationships can be a struggle. Try not to blame yourself. Accept the feelings of grief and work through those. It may help to look up grief on the computer and then to realise there is cycle to grief. As unpleasant as the feelings are, they are well know to people suffering from grief.
Take care of yourself. At the end of the day, try and think of three things you can be thankful for. Gratitude is a great healer!
Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools
Welcome to beyond blue. Sorry you had to experience a love loss.
Long distance relationships can be difficult especially as you can't really see the other person often.
I girlfriend broke up with me 1 year ago and the pain is like it was yesterday. She is in Canada and we had a long distance relationship, but I could of saved myself from a lot of trouble by the warning signs of her behaviour. Anyway I survived.
Your relationship has just ended so it will be overwhelming with mixed emotions, see a doctor and counsellor, you really need to talk it through with someone. I hope you can continue your studies despite your painful break up.
Please look after Claire first, a real true love close by will come one day, immerse yourself in things you love.
I write my thoughts down on paper which helps.
The Heart would heal if the guy came back for you, if it's meant to be, it will, if not, realise there is many good guys who would loyally support and persist with you.
Thank you so much! I have booked to see a counsellor this afternoon and I am hoping it's the first step on the path to finding some peace.
I am sorry to hear about your loss and I hope it isn't long before you can start to look back on your relationship with a smile instead of tears.
I think you're right- if we're meant to be together, we'll find a way back to each other but if not it was never meant to be.
Hi Claire A,
Hope the session with the counsellor went well for you.
Cheers, from Mrs. Dools