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Don't know what to do or say anymore

Community Member
So I have been married to my husband for 7years together for 15years and have a 5 year old child together. Things were great all the way up until I fell pregnant and since then it feels like it's all slowly falling apart. Everything used to be 50/50 or close to but now everything from cooking and cleaning down to doing all the shopping, response for all bills and all of our child's wants needs, not to mention I'm the only 1 working. He is hardly around and when he is he is playing video games. The only time he touches me is if he is wanting sex, we used to be really affectionate and I need that kind of affection. Lately we just don't have sex anymore and I have voiced my feelings to him numerous times but I don't know if he just doesn't care anymore if he honestly doesn't think what if saying is true. He has told me just recently that because we don't have sex anymore he is starting to not love me anymore and anyone else in his position would have cheated by now.
For a long time now I have felt incredibly lonely, lost and broken
This is where things get messy, I have recently come back into contact with an old friend (we both used to have a thing for eachother but because of circumstances nothing ever happened) now having him back in my life and all these old feelings coming back (that he has told me he still has as well) has me feeling so confused. Nothing would happen with this friend as as cheating is a no for me but he has straight up asked me to leave my husband and be with him and if it wasn't for my kid I would seriously consider it.
My husband has already said if we were to ever split he would fight me for everything, kid/s included and I just can't risk loosing my child as well as alot of other things incredibly important to me.
I honestly don't know what I should be feeling, thinking, needing wanting or doing anymore.
3 Replies 3

Community Member

Good morning Coastal

I’m glad you have sought advice from this community. It is a very lonely and bewildering situation when you have to juggle the emotional loads of family, son, husband and work. You must be exhausted.

Your husband without doubt is treating you poorly. Disgracefully in fact. Let’s just leave to one side your old boyfriend for a moment.

You need to put your focus and energy into deciding what to do about your marriage. Do you still love your husband? Would you prefer your marriage to be fixed or would you prefer to be single again? Your unhappiness and the present state of your marriage can’t be endured.

If you want to stay married but your husband won’t cooperate or seek counselling, then I believe you should end your marriage. You won’t lose your son. How you take this action is a topic that can be covered in another post.

My advice is Do not get intimate or emotionally involved with your old flame. You are still married and living with your husband and you are in a vulnerable state. You don’t need added complications at this stage. If you seperate from your husband and you feel inclined then you can see if there is a future with your friend.

I would have a chat with a family law specialist and just see where you stand. Sometimes just taking action like this can make you feel you are getting some control back into your life. Others will have advice and you are free to post back here as many times as you like.

Community Member

Hi Coastal_vibes10

Betternow has given you some good advice; something you really need to think about. That being said, members on this forum can only give advice based on personal experience. What you do, is entirely up to you.

I would also suggest that you do not get emotionally involved with an old flame; a least, not for now. An old boyfriend will only complicate a difficult problem. You may think that the grass is green elsewhere, but that may not be the case.

If you want to save the marriage, then marriage counselling would be the go-to option. From what you have said, your husband also has a few issues that need to be addressed. If your husband says no counselling, you will know where you stand. Just be careful that you don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. If you do decide to leave the marriage, you want to make sure you a going to a better place. I'm not saying you should put up with abuse, if that is an issue.

As Betternow has explained, you will not lose your child, but you will have to share custody. Let's hope it does not come to that!

Community Member
I honestly don't know if my marriage can be saved if I can't get my husband to see the whole picture, I've done all I can possibly think of in trying to fix things but it all just gets thrown back at me as being my fault. Today I finally got a day off work, I accidentally slept through my alarm which resulted in our child being late for school, somehow even though he was home and also didn't wake up with the alarms it was my fault we were late and I need to get my shit together.
I came from a very messy broken family so I know how hard it can be on the kids and I just don't want to do that to my kid, bit I don't know what else can be done.
Being the only responsible adult is really starting to take its toll on me but if I don't do the things that need doing they just won't get done.
There is no way in hell my husband would ever do counselling and talking to him doesn't help, doing nothing doesn't help so what can I do. I feel as though this is just my life now and that really hurts