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Don't feel like I fit in.
Honestly don't know where to start or how to express what I'm feeling. I've lived a reserved life for most of my adulthood. I am currently 28yo. I feel like I don't fit in anymore with the crowd of people, especially my age. I never had a social media account because I didn't want to be part of it. When I grew up I was suppressed of technology so I was always that kid who didn't get to chat online with friends or have an Xbox to play with, I was considered a boring person and was very isolated. My parents were very strict with homework and told me to play outside and don't come home until lunch or dinner on weekends. At school I was bullied a lot and suffered strong anxiety issues from my mid teens especially. My group of friends would talk about what was happening online after school and I couldn't be part of the conversation since I wasn't apart of it and if I tried they would say stuff like "you're not part of it so what do you know?" And question why I was never online to be in that social circle. The friends at the time even considered me a loser for not having the technology like a phone or been a part of that crowed of people.
Fast forward towards my late teens, I ended up fitting into the wrong crowed of people who engaged in drugs and alcohol. This affected me because I learned to socialise using drugs and alcohol. These people used me because I was too kind, I would give them stuff like money and shouted them drugs and bought the alcohol. When I realised what was happening they quickly disappeared from my life and I was alone again, except this time with a drug and alcohol addiction. I ended up deleting my social media accounts because 1: I never used it and 2: I had no reason to use it nor that I had any friends or had any interest in it.
Overtime in my 20s I've just become so isolated. The few "friends" I have don't support me, my dad passed away and the only family I have are really harsh on me. I try to quit drinking and smoking but it's hard because I live in a culture that encourages drinking, drugs etc to have a good time. When I'm living a sobriety life the people my age think I'm weird which causes more anxiety and as a result I turn to alcohol and smoking weed to numb those emotions out.
In the end of this post, I can only say is I'm struggling to live a life where I feel the community has become a narcissistic environment and I can't afford to destroy my health solely for the reason of fitting in. Wish I was born on a different planet.
Hello Mr A
Welcome and for having the courage post too!
I understand your pain when you mentioned feeling isolated. Even prior to reading all of your post, its clear that you speak from the heart. It is unfortunate that when we have a good heart there are some people that will take advantage of us.
"Fitting in' sometimes doesnt work...as you know. Social Media can be overly competitive and unhelpful when we are having difficulty in our lives. I used to have chronic anxiety for a long time and social media can be a pain
You mentioned 'the only family I have are really harsh on me' This is especially painful to go through....I am in the same situation as yourself and its awful to go through
Can I ask if you have a couple of people that you can 'talk/vent about your pain'?
you are not alone. There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you! Any questions are always welcome....The forums are a non judgmental place for you to post
I really hope you can stick around the forums
my kind thoughts
Hi, I can relate to a lot of what you've said, about not fitting in and turning to alcohol just to make it through those social situations.
For me at some point I just decided that alcohol was not right for me and it just suddenly clicked. It was hard to drift from that social circle but healthier for me.
As for social media, yeah it sucks. I still have my accounts I look at occasionally, but when I see posts from "friends" where they are bragging and saying how great their life is - rationally I know it's not reality, and they're just showing their highlights reel - but you can't help but let it to affect you. I find it best not to look.
If people have an issue with the above I don't think of them as real friends. I do get though that loneliness and being isolated is also not great, especially if you don't have family support. I don't know if you have tried AA or any other support groups like that but perhaps you could connect with people there?
I wish I could help more, but if you want to chat feel free to message me (sorry I'm a newbie to forums so not sure how to do that yet!)
Hello Mr A.....excuse I for hijacking your thread for a moment if thats okay 🙂
Hello Oldmum and thankyou for the wisdom & support you have provided to Mr A. I hear you loud and clear about social media...No apologies necessary about being a newbie 🙂
If the Beyond Blue forums didnt have input from new posters/members like yourself the forums would cease to exist. I really hope you (and Mr A) can stick around the forums
my kind thoughts....Paul
Hello my friend and welcome here.
I can relate to you personally as I've experienced what you are. Know that the alcohol and drugs are not the issue here or the lack of friends.The issue is that you need to learn to love yourself and you need to value and be compassionate with who you are. So I want you to follow these very basic steps every single day and they are very easy. The key is consistency so after about 21 days of following these steps, you will begin to enjoy the journey of making yourself great.
Here we go:
- Set yourself an alarm to get up every morning at the same time i.e. 5am. As soon as you wake up, spring straight out of bed and wash your face with cold water.
- Calm the mind: turn the TV on, you don't even need to watch it, it's helps to have it running in the back-ground while you are awaking your senses.
- Have a light breakfast; could be coffee, a ciggy if you need too (Manhattan breakfast), porridge, a protein bar, fruit/ oatmeal something nice and light.
- Do a bit of stretch, not too strenuous.
- Every morning, you need to mediate and it doesn't have to be long, even 5 minutes. Sit somewhere quiet, close your eyes and clear your thoughts and emotions. You need to learn to self talk - internal talk is what will help you - you need to tell yourself that you are great, that you are going to achieve 3 goals every day whether that is making your bed, reading the news or watering the garden. Needs to be done every day. Also, when you think of a negative thought, you will tell yourself "get rid of that thought" and keep repeating until it's gone even if it takes you 30 minutes, you keep repeating until the thought is gone. Also, tell yourself that you will not allow any negative thoughts what so ever.