Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

don’t ask questions when.....

Community Member

I’m sitting here today almost in tears; I broke a golden rule given to me by a counsellor many years ago. That rule was “don’t ask questions when you know the answer might hurt you”. She gave me that rule when I was in a depression and needed conformation from my then wife that all was good and she loved me. Just a few months later she left me and I had a breakdown. In the year or so after that separation I lost contact with all my kids and therefore all my grand children too. A few days ago I decided I needed to contact some of my grand kids via Facebook and ask one last time if I’d be allowed back into their lives, but I’m yet to receive a response, I guess that means no. I did try a few years ago and didn’t get a reply so I guess history is repeating itself. Why do I do this to myself?

Don’t worry I’m not having silly thoughts, just wish I could erase certain memories, life would be so much better if we could pick and choose what we remember and what is forgotten forever.

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Vicman

Rules.....are for guidance. "Breaking rules" is being human..

I do understand. Briefly, the mother of my daughters (22 and 26yo) poisoned the mind of my youngest. In 14 years I never had a late child support payment, always collected my kids fortnightly and on holidays, bought clothes for them. When my youngest was 14yo I paid $14,000 extra for her jaw realignment and teeth. So she could have a smile. Yet the back and forth went on and on.

Out of the blue she asked for a friendship on Facebook. I accepted. 6 weeks later- defriended me. Reason...like her mother she would never give one. It's like lack of normal communication is a weapon. So I used to go through periods of hurt from the unknown...but I really knew, that my ex was doing her deed behind the scenes.

So you've tried again. Why not? Why not keep trying till your end of your life? Because you feel embarrassed? likely. What if you sent messages to say "if you have a reason why you wont reply at least forward to me that reason and be kind". Send these to all of them. Someone, one day might respond. Families arent glued together forever, splits happen and you never know one day a grandchild or child might contact you as the others have done to him/her what they have done to you- ostricisation.

Hold your head up high my friend, for trying to get your family back isnt a crime, its a sign of love.

Tony WK

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Vicman, I'm pleased that you have posted again, because what you are definitely missing in your life is to be able to contact your family, because at the moment it is leaving a huge void in your heart, and rightly so.

We can give you excuses why they haven't got back to you, however some maybe true, like when I send an email to someone they reply when they have time, so it could be a few days later, or perhaps I don't hear back from them, but I don't think that you could accept this, so I understand.

Your grandchildren have well and truly been tarnished by their parents, your children, but not everybody will accept this, because there will be one of them who wants to ignore what they have been told and break-away from the group, there always is somebody, and I have to repeat the word 'ALWAYS'.

This or these people will contact you, and search you out, there has to be somebody who is always curious, where they may give you their married name, we don't know.

I could say to be patient but this won't suffice, but you can follow them on facebook but only to a certain degree.

Please get back to us. Geoff.

Community Member
Thanks WK and Geoff for your reply. I guess when you loose everything and have to start again it's hard to let go of the past. I know these people will never be a big part of my life, or more to the point, I will never be a big part of theirs because it's been far too long. I would be satisfied with just knowing what they look like now and what they're doing with their life but it seems that is too much to ask. One day I'll get over it all but for now I live in hope that one day..................