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Do I love him?

Community Member

Hello all.

My hubby and i have been together since i was in highschool. We have been married for 14 years this year. I feel like im not in love with him anymore. Im not sure if its the depression making me feel this way. Ive put up with alot from him over the years. He has cheated on me a few times and i just sort of got over it. But never really did. He is controlling and i feel like im only allowed to do what he wants me to do. Recently (this week) there was an incident with him that has made me scared to be at home. I feel like i love him but i feel empty inside. Broken. Im not sure how to fix our relationship after what has happened. Ive suffered through too much and dont know if i can move on from this.

How do you know if its over. I dont know. Is it just depression making me feel this way?

Any advice would be helpful. Thanks


5 Replies 5

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Sapphire welcome

Its different for everyone. Some people are decisive, they know that things wont improve and they move on. Others are afraid of being alone or hurting others.

For me I was so devoted I waited for the bitter end. I was suicidal one night so got past that and one week later as I tried working things out my then wife blew a smoke ring at my face. It was over.

So in your case if you haven't already done so you can try counseling. What about a trail separation? I suppose Im suggesting doing things to get his reactions. Based on his reactions you then decide.

In a strong marriage you do whats best for both of you. In a weak marriage you do whats best for your partner up to a point. If the response isnt to your satisfaction then start thinking only of yourself and your new future.

Tony WK

Community Member


i am sorry if this sounds blunt, but it sounds like you need the truth, if the has repeatedly cheated on you and has been mistreating you then you need to end it. If you are feeling this way then you need to understand that it's probably not going away. if you don't love him and he is making you scared to even be at home then know that you are a strong independent woman who don't need no man

sincerely me,

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Sapphire, thanks for your post.

No one deserves to be cheated on, you are an important individual that has the right to live your life without any of this anguish that you have in your life at the moment.

I'm sorry for what happened this week after I read your post.

I hope you are doing reasonably OK after what's happened this week.

I hope you know that the forums are a safe place for you to post.

I hope you can post back with any questions that you may have if you wish to.

You are not alone.

We are here for you. Geoff.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Welcome. And as Geoff said, this is a safe place to be in.

You did not elaborate on what happened, and I am not asking you to, but from the indication of your post it sounds serious enough to consider your options.

I find it sad that people (men) feel the need to cheat in a marriage. And that rather than communicating with their partners look for a different outlet. I am not trying to justify his actions, but maybe he was or is scared to tell you what goes on in his head for fear of appearing weak.

Can your marriage be fixed? Possibly. Should you try couple therapy or similar? Possibly. To go down that road needs to start with a conversation ... Do that in a public place. That should remove the possibility of heated discussions and allows you and him to just talk to each other without getting emotional - if you get what I mean.

Finally, is there anyone else that you can talk to get their thoughts? someone you can bounce ideas off?

All the best and hope to hear from you.

Thank you all for your replies. Ive been on the forums for awhile now so dont need any welcomes. Thanks though 😊 I just thought this stituation and question needed a seperate thread. I hope thats ok.

Ive been thinking alot about it and still have no clue as to what to do. Im just feeling too numb i guess to make any decisions. The cheating happened years ago and we went to counseling for it. So I guess ive moved on from that.

Ive been in a very bad place recently and feeling suicidal but now just numb to the bone.

I dont think hubby even knows if what he did was wrong. Im trying to work up the courage to talk to him but at the moment there is no good timing and i dont even want to look at him. He has been caring and tells me he loves me which is nothing unusual. I know he loves me but he is very controling and i have to do what he tells me or he gets angry.

I have spoken to my therapist briefly about what happened and also called the 1800respect number. It was helpful as i was having alot of axiety and scared myself due to what i might do. Since the phone call i have just been so numb since the confirmed what it actually was.

I wish i was strong and decisive enought to know what to do. But im not. I need to think if i want this relationship to work. I need to think about if i can move on from what he did to me.