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Divorced but my ex is still sucking the life out of me

Community Member

Hi. My name is Erin and I'm new here. I am 45 years old and alone. I feel as if I don't at least write these thoughts down, I'm going to burst. I have a knot in my chest the size of Jupiter. I can't concentrate and am relying on sleeping pills to sleep.

My story: I came to Australia 14 years ago with work. I married an Australian and had a beautiful daughter. 7 years ago my husband and I divorced after eight years of isolation, physical and emotional abuse and many (finding out afterwards) affairs. I have since been left to live in Australia without any extended family or support, in order to keep my daughter, whom I have 72% of the time. As if TWO years of financial and emotional bankruptcy fighting in the courts for the right to keep my daughter wasn't enough, with little to zero child support, and constantly fighting to keep my head above water, my ex has now convinced my daughter that she's old enough to make the decision to move in with him full time.

If I thought he as sincere, and if I thought he was a healthy individual, and if I thought he wouldn't hurt our daughter the way he's hurt me (if not now...eventually), I would say it's her choice and allow her an opportunity to trial living with him. But, sadly it's not about my daughter at all. It's about hurting me....which he goes out of his way to do all of the time!! It's actually quite torturous.

He's re-married. He has all of his family around him to help and support him. He has a good job and is very well off. I don't understand why he won't leave me alone and why, as a Father, is he using our daughter as his next leverage to hurt?? My heart is broken. I'm tired. I'm alone. I want out, but not sure if I mean this figuratively or literally. Some days I just want to quit. As a matter of fact, I recently put my house on the market just to free myself in case I get an opportunity to move....which in reality I can't or I risk losing my daughter altogether....and there in lies my dilemma. Anybody who has a similar situation, male or female, please please tell me how you survive these years.

Thank you.

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Erin, welcome

I feel for you. Not similar but to describe similar pain, my girls are grown now but the enduranve required to just survive my ex wifes taunts, silence, brainwashing our kids etc was harrowing.

How i survived? By telling myself that one day I will no longer need to communicate with her.

6 years ago when my youngest reached 18yo i told my ex never to contact me ever again even in an emergency.

Furthermore i became determined to be positive.. if you child does leave there is little you can do. If she is happier so be it. He is her parent also.


Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Tony WK

Hi erin.

l dunno how the bad guy or women seem to come out on top in this stuff, even with friends and family , new marriages , l just dunno but it's so damn common.

l'm very sorry about your sitch and the way things have gone. ls your house still for sale or ? l'm just thinking if you rented later when it sold, you just might not feel as stuck or restricted, especially mentally , it might help a little. Maybe you have some money put away then too , that's a damn nice feeling that might pick you up a bit too. and you could change areas , that could be a pick me up too , even new start.

just goin through all that myself after divorce. 5yrs after separating and then divorce l finally got on my feet enough to get another house and tried to get something close for my daughter, 16, but she hardly here anyway and now won't be living here at all and has just moved in with her mum and the new husband .

Some how ex comes out smelling like roses, family support, friends, new husband and my daughter , got the works. lands on her feet as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth,

now l'm stuck with the house in a new town l don't like when l could've just rented or lived somewhere better and still be close to my d as she won't be living here anyway. gonna lose what money l put together reselling and no life in the meantime. know no one , don't fit in. l just try to get out a bit when l can and be around some people or go up to the beach or different towns to at least be doing something. At least l'm sorta enjoying living in the house itself but sadly it's all been a waste really and a few more years down the drain too.

like you no one l can really talk about this stuff too , a brother 30mins away but his not really a talker on this level and can't relate anyway.

ls there any friends for you or rallies here , do you talk to family at home or in touch with anyone there.?

Anyway , l know your always welcome here and people will chip in and help in anyway they can. Take it easy and come to talk anytime you want ok. hang in there .