Divorce and depression

[Mrs Chloe]

I caught my husband cheating last week and he doesn’t seem remorseful. He says he’s in the middle of overdue reports and wants to discuss about it after a couple of days.

We’ve been fighting on and off as I cannot contain my emotions. He’s on maintenance with depression medications.

I’ve read that there’s a chance he’ll be depressed again once we go through a separation or divorce.

How can I help avoid him falling into depression? He needs to keep working to support us- we have a 1 year old child. While I rebuild my life as a single mum, he needs to keep paying our bills until I have a full time job.

I wish to have an amicable and respectful separation for the sake of our son. 😢

[Croix]

Dear Mrs Chloe~

I'm sorry that things have got to this stage. where they are impossible and you have to separate. Your description in your 'Adult' thread was of a person who would hurt you but did not seem to be affected when you tried to stand up for yourself. Not a situation you can stay in, you have to have some sort of life.

I'm not sure you are right in saying you cannot contain your emotions, if provoked enough nobody can.  You certainly are always badly treated, with this cheating being one more thing. Perhaps worse is the  fact there is no remorse, only a desire to not talk about it -avoiding consequences perhaps in the hope you will just let it pass.

At the moment you are worried with a separation he will become more depressed then you will all be in financial trouble. Frankly I'm not sure you can influence his mental state anyway

This reminds me a lot of your previous fears he gave you

"I find myself walking on eggshells around him sometimes, in fear that he would regress back to being depressed/ anxious if I start a fight with him."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that his depression and threat of getting worse is continuing to dictate how you think and behave. It's very understandable as you certainly do need financial support with a young child. Right now I guess you are dependent unless you  have family who would help

I don't know you circumstances. Is it possible to hang on until you can get a job? I'd also like to ask firstly do you have any practical support? Family, babysitting and the like? I know you said you did have some friends but felt reluctant to talk about your situation as they had their troubles too.

That may be the case, however for most people there is an in-built desire to help others, particularly those they feel for. Giving a helping hand can make one feel useful and good.

The other question: do you have medical support? Spending a life walking on eggshells and being at the whim of another's moods and aggression is a pretty harmful thing, stops one thinking clearly, and stops one from feeling capable of relying on one's strengths (which are there buried under the surface)

I found medical support was essential, as I'd become less and less able to cope

I'd really like it if you talked some more

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Mrs Chloe, if your husband has been caught out cheating behind your back then it should be talked about now and not in two days time.

Going through a separation and/or divorce is not a pleasant time for many people, but if your son knows what he has done then then he might understand that going your own way with him is the best option.

If he is not able to work then there are other options that will help you to be able to pay the bills.

Can I ask you if you are renting or purchasing the property.

Geoff.

Life Member.