difficulty in forming deep relationships

[AL_98]

Hello 

since I was born, I was bullied in school and hated. I never felt welcomed or loved. 

so now as an adult I feel like everyone just wants to avoid me and no one wants to hangout with me. 

I find it really difficult to form a relationship and maintain it. (Friendship or love or any form of relationship)

I always feel like I am not myself and everyone just keeps rejecting me. 

they always refuse to hangout or talk. they don't laugh at my joke or sometimes don't care.

sometimes I go out with my friends and I end up feeling more isolated and lonely. 

I dont know how to feel connected to others. 

i dont know how to form relationships with women or people in general. 

people just keep ignoring me. 

sometimes when i talk with someone people keep interrupting me. 

I always wish that I can scream at them and tell them to shut up and hear me because I was talking first. 

I dont feel myself around others. 

[Croix]

Dear AL_98~

Welcome here to hte Forum, its a good place to come to see how others have coped with the same sort of problems you face.

I am sure I do not need ot tell you how traumatic and destructive it is to be the object of bullies. There seems to be no path to get out of it and sadly it is human nature in time to start to doubt oneself. Silly as it seems the mind will take the fact that others treat you badly and then you think you deserve it -totally wrong of course.

As you pointed out that has left you with a legacy of not being able to form relationships - a horrible place to be in. Although I don't think you say it specifically it would be very hard to trust anyone at all after such a long and consistent experience.

It also leaves you wiht the completely wrong impression you have nosing to offer - or for which to be valued.

Although you talk about friends, I'd not be so kind and would class them as acquaintances, after all they are not looking out for you - quite the reverse.

Friendship, at least for me, is very much a two way thing, you cannot chase it, it has to be a mutual regard and concern for the other.

If one is lucky it happens just a few times in a lifetime.

By all means continue ot go out and associate with those you do now or seek fresh areas, but please try to see them as they are, and not feel that you have to be a part of them or even please or amuse them (yes, I know, hard to do).

Croix

[geoff]

Hello AL, sometimes it's possible people ignore or bully us because we may seem to be left out or feeling alone and don't respond to any gestures and there could be many reasons why this happens, such as others don't understand our circumstances or perhaps if you are inclined to be showing any signs of having a mental problem, then they aren't going to want to be with you.

If I can suggest and I mean this in all sincerity, your doctor can put you on a 'mental health plan, which entitles you to 20 Medicare paid sessions to talk with a psych who can then establish some confidence as well as your own self-esteem, this will enable you to gain the strength you need to handle situations like this.

Geoff.

Life Member.