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Difficult period in my life
Hello there, my name is Jay and I am 19. Currently i am going through a difficult period in my life where i just don't know what to do and i come to this section of the forum to seek some advice. So for the past two years i have been suffering from depression, a by product of this is loneliness of course. But i feel my situation is particularly frustrating. Basically i have great social skills, i can talk with anyone about anything as long as they are as engaging as me. i go to uni and work and have no issues, most people i meet i can really engage with, however, despite this, i have no 'true friends'. i mean i have people who i consider friends, but i feel like were not really since we chat sometimes however we never hang out or anything like that. i have been on uni break for the past two months and have only really gone out once. Because of this, i get these occasional attacks of loneliness which eat me inside out and i don't know why or what to do. For example, today was a great day, it was my colleagues birthday and i gave her a great surprise which made her day, it honestly made me so happy to see her smile because i am so fond of her. However, despite having an overall great day, i am hit with this extreme feeling of loneliness which is just unbearable. I mean why is this happening to me and what do i do? The feeling just makes me want to run away all by myself and disappear and just forget about the world and all its rules and constraints. Im at this point where the loneliness is taking over my life and i try to compensate it but it just doesnt work. i work 5 days a week in retail and go to the gym 4 days a week to try and remedy my depression but it just does nothing. I honestly feel like im living the same cycle of a meaningless and loveless life. Anyway there is so much more i want to say but i wont yet. if you read this thank you for taking the time to do so. please leave your thoughts below, anything helps. i cant bear this anymore.
Welcome to the forums. I'm sure some of the younger members will reply soon but I thought I'd say hello anyway.
Have you spoken to a medical professional at all? You sound like you're trying so hard to connect to people (and balancing full time work and uni to boot). Sometimes it can be a good idea to just check in with your doctor and make sure your depression isn't getting on top of you.
As to connecting with others I do understand this. Most of my life I have been able to perform if I had to. Could talk and mix but felt incredibly lonely and no real connection to others. Then my depression hit badly. And I couldn't perform and fake it anymore. I realised how isolated I was.
So once I had medical help I started small. I went out every week to activities. Library. Mum's group. Swimming lessons. Every week without fail. And I didn't perform. At first because I was unwell but as I got my voice back I realised some of the people I had met took the time to get to know me. Weirdness and all. Those relationships I put my effort into. I now have three very close girlfriends with kids the same age as mine who I trust and who trust me. It is one of the things I am grateful for my mental illness for.
What I am trying to say is pick a couple of activities that you love. Things that make you feel good. And go regularly. You don't need to try and befriend everyone. Just be patient. If you meet a few people who you get along with and who enjoy your company too they are the ones to exchange details with. Good friendships take time.
You sound like a lovely person. You will connect with others in time. Being patient is the hard part though.
Please take care of yourself.
Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here. I'm sorry that you've been feeling lonely but I'm glad that you've decided to come to the forums and talk to us about it. It sounds like it's really painful for you right now.
In terms of advice though, I'm not sure how helpful I can be but I will try 🙂
Can you tell us how long you've been feeling lonely? Do you think there's ever a time where you didn't feel lonely; or where you were alone but not lonely?
One big thing that I think might help is to think about the 'why'. The more that you can understand the loneliness the more you can work with it. You said that you were 19 so that makes me think you haven't been at uni long - do you think the reasons might be because you're not too long out of high school? Sometimes that transition alone can make us really lonely. It's okay that this is happening to you and it happens to a lot of people.
and what's your 'ideal'? If you could switch it and have a life full of meaning and love, what would that look like for you? Is that hanging out with your colleagues after work? Is that going to new groups and meeting people? Is it having gym buddies? I think that the more you can kinda picture what the 'ideal' might look like the easier it can be to making steps to get there.
Hope this helps