DIDO/FIFO stressing

[DIDOmummy]

My husband works away in the mines and though i appreciate him and everything he doses for our family I'm starting to crack a little. We have a 2 year old son and the obligatory family pets and i both work full time and study a full time course load at university (distance). To top it off we have recently begun the whirlwind process of buying a home so lots of signing things and waiting to hear back from finance people.

Work, though it is an industry i am passionate about, has been difficult as two of the people i work with seem to be doing everything in their power to get under my skin due to personality clashes and trying to just smile and wave at it is exhausting.

I'm just feeling like i'm failing all the time. I'm stressing about work, panicking that we wont get the loan that I've pretty much put together on my own due to the other half being at work (though even our broker says that its pretty much a done deal) trying to figure out how to fit uni into everything else and sometime i just loose my cool and yell at my son to go away because all i want is a moment where i'm not being climbed on or hung off (which in turn makes me instantly feel like I'm failing at motherhood). I've even started having dizzy spells and have developed a twitch in my right eye which i seriously contribute to stressing way too much.

Just wondering how other people in similar situations handle their plates without dropping it all.

[pipsy]

Hi DIDOmummy. With everything that's happening, it's hardly surprising you feel the strain. Is there someone who could take some of the burden off your shoulders. Is your son enrolled at the local playcentre/kindy to give you some breathing space. You have too much on your plate and need assistance. Are your parents/in-laws willing/able to share the load in some way. You are no failure, I take my hat off to you for what you are doing. Everyone needs 'time out' when they become overloaded. I think, in your shoes, I would be asking someone trustworthy to help me get over this hurdle. At the moment, you can't actually visualize the light at the end of the tunnel because there are too many obstacles. I'm sure once things start happening, the loan is approved, you move into your home etc, things will ease up. Because you ask for help, this makes you human, no-one could do what you are doing without 'dropping their bundle'. Perhaps, too with your situation, the w'mate situation appears worse. Tiredness often makes thing appear worse than they are. I'm not saying your complaints re: w'mate 'harrassement' is not happening, I'm saying it could appear to be worse because of your anxieties and stresses. Perhaps you could approach these w'mates and tell them what 's happening and ask them for assistance. Personality clashes can be a pain in the proverbial, but often talking gets thing sorted.

Lynda

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi DIDOmummy

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting.

I don't have a partner in this situation so I'm not sure that I can be helpful, but I just did a quick search and found this - http://www.miningfm.com.au/lifestyle/support-groups.html?id=771

It's the Australian Mining Partners support group; to enable mums to connect with other mums with FIFO partners. Sounds like it might be helpful for you.

[Doolhof]

Hi DIDO Mummy,

Welcome to the forums. I am exhausted just read what you are trying to achieve! I worked part time and studied part time and that was hard enough for me.

That was without children and with a husband at home.

You have been offered some helpful suggestions and ideas already.

Please do reach out to people around you and ask for help.

Do your work mates know what sort of a life style you are living right now? They may back off and be supportive if they know a little of what you are trying to achieve.

If I may ask, when is your husband due back again and how long will he be home for? When he has been home for a couple of days is there any chance you can organise some time just to yourself?

Hopefully you can gather up a network of family and friends to help you out.

All the best, cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[DIDOmummy]

I will definitely look into that. Thanks 🙂

[DIDOmummy]

Thankfully he is usually home every other week but with the house loan coming up he has been grabbing what overtime he can so is only home for a couple of days a fortnight before going again.

He is a fantastic man and tries to be as supportive as he can but i know he stresses and out of habit dont like to put too much on him emotionally. Its hard on him being away and i dont like to make it harder.

Thankfully i do have family in town but with both of my sisters just having bubs (one born this week,n on 9 weeks old), my brother just buying his own house and my parents just taking over a business from their deceased boss/owner its hard to put too much as they have their own stuff.

Everyone is as supportive as they can be but its a flaw of mine that i think that asking for help is a failure and i dont like to pile my stuff on someone else's plate when they already have a lot.

[DIDOmummy]

I work at the local childcare with my son so no break there lol. But thank you, i really appreciate the support and advise. Makes me feel like im not going crazy.

[Doolhof]

Hi DIDOMummy,

Oh dear. It looks like your thread moved back a bit in the line and I missed it!

It is wonderful you are able to recognise the good points your husband has. Sounds like the family is very busy one way or another.

I understand your reluctance to ask family members for help when they are all so busy themselves one way or another.

Is there any chance you can combine the children altogether now and then so one person has all the children for a couple of hours, so the other sisters can have a break. Then you change who looks after the children so the next sister can have a couple of hours to themselves.

You are certainly not going crazy! Well, actually if I was in your shoes, I would certainly feel like I was going crazy! I don't cope with that much business!

It must be difficult for any person who has to travel away from home for work. People on shift work must find it difficult at times as well.

Once again, sorry you have not had a reply for a few days! Hope you are doing okay in all your activities!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools