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Devestating Break Up

Community Member

I’ve just ended an 18 month relationship today and I’m feeling stupid, afraid and very alone. We met after 2 months of my break up from a 5 year relationship, I know I didn’t allow myself to heal but it just felt right. I was wrong..

3 months in he was talking to his ex girlfriend saying he missed her could get back with her in a second without hesitation, we separated he even spoke to other girls whilst “trying” to win me back, and I caved. I didn’t want to be alone, I believed the promises and lies. Things were good for awhile, I kept the contact and decided that we were better together then without each other, it only lasted a couple months and the same thing happened, talking to the ex. Again I feel for it and put in 200% of myself to make things work.. we ended up moving in together and 7 months of no issues, signed a lease and a month in.. fast forward to now my best friend of 7 years comes over to catch up, we drank and I went to bed first. I went to bed worried something was going to happen, I trust my friend whole heartily and I found out today that he tried to sleep with her, made comments and advances whilst I was in bed. She left and came and told me... I’ve kicked him out of the house and I’ve told my family and him it’s over.

Betrayal makes you feel so worthless, it’s so hard to not self blame. I expected this to happen that’s the saddest part, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety from this relationship and I’m in counselling. I’m worried I won’t find the strength to get through this, I’ve been so hurt in my life that I don’t know how I am going to be happy again.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hey there....welcome. Feel for you.... i relate in a way that this is a cycle of trauma.... you kinda knew he wasn't trustworthy, but you also felt something for him, i've had that same cycle in my life more times than I can count.
I'm so sorry that he made a pass at your friend, that's very low and hurtful. You didn't deserve that or need that and the fact that your friend told you, shows that she was looking out for you.

I hate giving advice here because what do i know... i'm on my own journey with this... but i do get a sense that you're beating yourself up about staying with this man, as if what has happened is your fault.
None of this is your fault in any way. Try and be your own best friend, now more than ever. Self-care all the way.

Just because he made these choices and couldn't behave in a kinder way, doesn't reflect zilch on you, and regarding your choice to stay - we all make choices and never know what will pan out for us.

Sometimes we keep going back, and all i can see from that, is that you need a little more love and kindness for you. This sin't about him. This is now your important chance to take care of yourself, love yourself, and heal from within. You've got this.... x Vanessa