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Desperate mum-my son is a reoffender

Community Member
Am not sure if any forums are going to be of help to me but I hope so. My adult son is a chronic reoffender - traffic offences. He will soon be going to court for the third time in his life and is possibly facing a criminal conviction. He reoffended mid last year and was given a 12/12 good behaviour bond and then reoffended again early this year hence breaking his bond conditions. I was unaware of any of this until a few weeks ago when I received a call from the mental health unit at the local hospital trying to get in touch with him. He is now not working at all and is on a benefit, he is isolated and lonely. I fear terribly for the court outcome and his future. He had or so I thought put all this stuff behind him and was doing ok with work etc. he has continued to deceive me and not be honest. He says he doesn’t want to worry me with his problems but finding all this out thru a third source is devastating. Our relationship is pretty much me giving and he taking and I don’t know if he knows how to feel love or compassion for other people including me - pretty hurtful when I am really the only support person he has. I am 60 and don’t know if I can continue to give and give and support someone who shows no thanks or appreciation ever. If I cut him off would it make any difference anyway. I have my own health issues and life to lead and just want to be free to live without this constant stress and worry. Anyone out there in the same situation?
2 Replies 2

Community Member
Definately not in the same position.

But I have been a prison officer for 5 years now. Seen lots of different types of offenders come in, hardened criminals to the softer ones like im assuming your son would be.

Sometimes it may be the best thing ever for them to face the court, recieve that conviction, possibly serve time.

Even a short prison sentence of days or weeks can be enough to scare someone into action, to never want to go back into that cell again.

If he's just taking from you and not learning from the opportunities he's thus far been avoided it may be in his best interests that he goes through this process, realise the reality of the situation and change his life path.

I am sorry for the grief this causes you, I have seen countless families, parents, children come through those gates for visits and leaving in tears but sometimes its for the best, if thats the only way to get through to them.

Take care of yourself

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Distraught Mum,
I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this, I can appreciate how hard this must be for you. I don’t think that you need to cut him off per se, but I think that you need to establish firm boundaries and make sure that you don’t enable him. He is a grown adult and knows the difference between right and wrong so is capable of making good decisions, even though he is not making them. I agree with the borderline on this, he needs to fully appreciate that there are consequences for his decisions because he doesn’t seem to be taking it seriously at the moment.