Desperate foster parent
I could have written this!
my thoughts get so dark it doesn't seem real or it's embarrassing to show my shrink. But I feel like I'm always acting with others and never letting them know just how bad I feel.
When I'd written out my bad day I was ashamed to let hubby read it. He put it in an envelope and told me please don't read it again or second guess yourself. Just hand it over to the psych. I did. It was such a horrible experience but the relief was enormous because finally she saw what was really going on in ny head and that I needed help.
Dr. Kim has some really good advice. Being open with your GP or psych or counsellor or whoever is important. How can they help you if they don't know what's happening?
I'm really glad you feel good about the forums I do too. I like how compared to the "real" world everyone is so honest. It makes us realise we are good people we just need a bit of help and support.
Take care Peppa and talk as much as you like 😊
You've been very quiet just checking how you're going.
How have you been feeling? Are your medications helping at all now? How have you been feeling about the kids has there been any improvement?
I hope you've been quiet simply because there has been an improvement and you're feeling ok but please feel free to let us know how you're going.
So to give some context, I am an adult who was raised as a ward of the state and suffered foster care at its worst. Firstly I want you to ease up on yourself, it's a bit harsh to beat yourself up like that. So you did something not many can do but providing a home to kids in need of placement, that is a big deal, sadly carers are rarely prepared or equipped to handle such a broad range of needs from kids who have suffered the worst trauma there is. The removal from the home isn't a small deal,it ravaged me as a 7 yr old and I still bare the scars. These girl you are caring for have come into your home and all those things that led to being placed in care have bled out and although you may not be consciously aware, they have affected you. Don't blame your lack of feeling on yourself, in order to give a child love it requires the child to open and receive. I want to say how amazing you are and please put your well-being at the top,seek support and guidance but don't feel trapped in this, if it plays on you so much that you feel this way maybe end the placement to get yourself back to centre. I had many carers who merely provided the basic needs I had without giving any emotion or affection, but they didn't harbour resentment toward me so I thrived, I wish you all the best and please stop being so hard on yourself,your amazing