Depression in a relationship.

[Gemma_C]

Hi all,

Me and my partner have been dating for 7 months, I suffer from a few mental health problems (which he knows about). Last year I had severe tonsillitis which turned into Quinsy (2 day hospital stay), then I was on & off sick for months until 2 months ago I had a hospital stay with suspected Atypical Pneumonia as my oxygen levels were dropping to 77%.

So I've been sick for awhile, on and off and its been getting in the way of us saving for a house which makes me feel sad because i have to have time off work when i'm sick (i am a casual). I have multiple dr visits, hospital visits, blood tests, needles, antibiotics, scans over the last year its astounding considering i am 22yrs old (Female). So i am sick again, with suspected blood clot and don't go back to work until the 12th July, my depression is hitting hard again, I have turned off sex, become semi distant and extremely sensitive towards anything my partner says and does, i feel terrible... i talked to him about this but i feel like he is sick of hearing about it and isn't always the best with being emotionally comforting sometimes. I feel like he doesn't understand, he says stuff like "do you hate me?" or "don't you like our relationship" or "I feel like you're not happy with anything i do". It's not true and i've told him this... i have hit another rough spot where we argue or just don't get along for a while. Sometimes i even feel like its gonna break us apart and we are gonna just split up. Another thing is i feel disgusting overall, health wise, looks wise.

I take a mood stabilizer every night but am inconsistent with my antidepressant which doesn't help.

Advice?

Because this girl is emotionally, mentally and DEFINETLY physically EXHAUSTED!

[Revolution_Rock]

Hi Gemma,

I've been thinking about your post for a few days, relationships can be tricky to maintain when other factors get in the way. I'm sorry to read that you are dealing with several health issues and that this is making you feel terrible about yourself. You have a lot going on and it's no surprise you feel overwhelmed.

Your health is really important and I hope that you are getting the medical support you need. Some people aren't great at dealing with other people's health issues, not because they don't care but they don't know what to do or how best to support you. And if we don't want to burden our partner or friends/family, we may not tell them how we're feeling or what we need. I don't know if this is this case with you but I hope that you can can talk with your boyfriend about how you're feeling and what you need from him during this time. Sometimes we just need directions to follow :). I hope that as your health improves you will start to feel a better about yourself too.

If you feel that your boyfriend doesn't understand how depression impacts you, maybe you could watch Ted Talks or similar clips on YouTube with him that explain how people are affected. They're brief are can be a really useful tool in understanding mental health and it takes the pressure off you having to try to explain it. He might need positive validation from you for when he's being supportive and helpful. You might want to think about small things that you can do together that can help you with your depression but also strengthen the connection between you, like massage, a walk in nature, a candle-lit bath. Something peaceful and relaxing.

I hope you are ok and I hope your health is improving. Take care, RR.