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Depression and insecurity issues affecting relationship.
In December I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and commenced therapy after making the personal choice that I didn't want to be put on medication yet. I began therapy however felt like I just couldn't connect with my therapist and subsequently held back from expressing how I was feeling.
Since then I have gotten significantly worse (am going back to the doctor tomorrow), and in the past couple of months it has severely affected my relationship. As a couple we now have more bad moments than we do good. We are constantly fighting and I get the feeling my boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with me anymore as I am making him miserable and stressing him out.
Suddenly I am extremely insecure and have massive trust issues, and it's causing a lot of arguments and I spend most of my days crying and not wanting to get out of bed. My boyfriend doesn't communicate with me as well as he probably should, but the other day he told me I am "too clingy and overly affectionate" and openly told me that I "stress him out" which obviously hurt my self esteem and made me very upset, but I can see where he is coming from. Lately, if he goes out with the boys I spend the night panicking and desperately trying to contact him because I'm worried about him being with another girl or something like that. I have never been like this before in the 2 years we've been dating and I have absolutely no reason not to trust him, and it's really hurting me that I don't know what has come over me. I'm genuinely scared that he's going to lose interest in me or find someone better, so I'm constantly asking him for reassurance that he loves me and can tell he's annoyed by it.
Basically these sudden insecurity issues are causing huge issues and I fear the worst for our relationship if I don't sort it out. I don't really have anyone to turn to so I'm basically looking for advice from people who have been in this situation on how I can fix this before it gets even worse 😞
I'm very sorry you are in this situation. It really is horrible to have those anxious thoughts taking over, it makes your life miserable and makes you relationship that much harder for both of you.
If you don't mind me asking why did you decide not to use medication? As someone with anxiety, depression and other matters I found that both therapy and meds were essential for me to improve. I simply kept on getting worse before I had the right treatment.
Holding back from saying how you are is natural I guess, as saying exactly how you feel is strange, embarrassing, even frightening at times. Unfortunately to get the right treatment the facts have to be clearly seen. Do you think the therapist was somehow wrong for you, or that it was maybe your inbuilt reluctance to talk?
I've had to write things down before now, then share the paper in order for the doctor to understand what I was feeling.
With your boyfriend it's very common for someone that as not had a MH problem not to be able to understand what is happening when someone is anxious or depressed. Without their own experience to fall back on there is the problem of what they should do. Not knowing can lead to frustration and feelings of powerlessness. Do you think it might help if your boyfriend went to the doctor with you and had things explained there? Alternatively there is a lot of easy to read information in The Facts menu above if he was interested.
I do hope you come back and say more.
Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.
I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such a rough time but at the same time I'm glad you've decided to go and see the Doctor again; hopefully this time you'll have the chance to connect with a therapist that you can click with. It looks as though this post was two days ago so feel free to let us know how your appointment was!
As someone who has brought a lot of depression, anxiety and trauma into a relationship (such fun!) I can relate. It's hard because there's this sense of feeling like you're pushing someone away but wanting to feel closer and reassured that everything is okay.
I think the thing that stood out to me most from your post was how can I 'fix it'. I don't think that we can fix it. I think the key is being able to accept it. Yes, you have insecurity and trust issues right now, but that is okay. Be kind to yourself because this isn't your fault.
What would it look like if you felt things were okay and you were certain that he did love you and wasn't going anywhere? From my experience personally saying "I love you and I'm not going anywhere" can slip in one ear and out the other. The insecurity starts and ends with me, and I'm guessing it does for you too.
The one thing that might help though is seeing if you can challenge some of these beliefs that he is losing interest in you, that he's finding someone better or that he's with a girl. How can you reassure yourself that this isn't necessarily true without talking to him about it?
The fact that he's being open with you about how you're coming off as clingy, too affectionate and stressing him out - I personally see as a strength. I know that it's weird but I say that because it means that he is being open with you and comfortable enough to say 'this is how I'm feeling right now'. The worry is when people aren't communicating or sharing how they're feeling and how the insecurity is impacting them.
I hope this helps and I hope your appointment went well,