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Depressed GF having doubts

Community Member
This is gonna be along, and I don't expect anyone to reply...however I need to get it off my chest.

My girlfriend and I have been together for over 3 and half years. We clicked instantly, and moved pretty quickly throughout our relationship. We moved in together after a year of being together, and 6 months ago we moved into our very own home. Everything seemed to be going well, but in late October she told me that she wasn't sure on how she was feeling about me. This came as a shock, so I was keen to uncover how this all unravelled.

Over the months since we've gone from through different living arrangements. Living separately, to giving each other time and space, to living like a couple again...it's been a merry-go-round. This entire time (and in hindsight, the lead up to the event in October), she had not been herself. An entirely different person.

She has a history of depression, and while she's medicated it seems as though it's now at it's worst. She's distanced herself from almost everyone, and she doesn't open up to anyone aside from me. Two nights ago, I went to her parents where she is currently staying and she said that she's sick of hurting me and isn't sure if this is right for her...

We are currently on a hiatus, so to speak, but I can't help but think that her feelings are being clouded by her depression. Is it plausible to suggest that she really does want to be with me, but her depression is stopping her from loving? She says she loves me, but she doesn't know in which way that is. However she has said this a few times, but has also come running back to me a few times too saying she wants me to be hers forever. It's entirely mixed signals, but I also understand as depression is a bi*ch.

Finally, I know I haven't been great as this situation has given me heightened anxiety which has also stressed her, so I know this break is good for me too...

I suppose I'm just after advice on what to do in this situation. I know that the only way we can work is if she works on herself, and that means time and space...but on the other hand, I know shes struggling a lot right now and I want to show her I'm there. At the end of the day it's not the end of the world if we split up, I just want her to be okay.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member


Your said your gf is back home. Sounds a bit like that may be best atm. If her family is supportive of her MH great.

I know when I was younger I'd get into relationships fast. Hubby number 1 asked me to marry him the night we met. I was engaged in a week, living together in a month and married 6 months later after first meeting. At 19 years old I just wanted someone to fix me.

Maybe try having a coffee with her or a movie just as friends a few times. If that works then look at the relationship. It helps to talk about things both people hold as values that are non negotiable in a relationship so both parties understand where they stand. I know with my current partner it made a world of difference.