Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Depressed Couple

Community Member

Hi everyone,

I don’t really know where to start. I’m a 30 year old woman with a long history of depression and anxiety who is married to a man in his mid 30s who also has depression and anxiety, possibly OCD. We have been together almost 8 years and have been through many highs and lows.

The biggest high is the birth of our daughter 2 years ago who is the light of my life. Since her birth I have had a pretty good grasp on my depression, with some anxiety flare ups but overall my mental health has been stable.

My husband on the other hand, has been on a steep decline mentally for about 3 years, to the point that he now feels he has nothing left and has given up on happiness and wants me and our daughter to leave him.

I am at a loss. I have been as supportive as I possibly can be the past few years. I’ve stood by him through the moments of rage and anger, the verbal abuse, the sexual problems, the walking on eggshells for fear of disturbing his OCD environment (everything has to be just so or he gets angry).

Don’t get me wrong, he is a good man, he is always extremely remorseful and apologetic after he’s lost his cool. But no matter how much I’ve asked him to seek help it feels like he doesn’t. Now he’s at the point where he says he’s too broken and is destined to live his life unhappy. My heart breaks for him but also for our family. I want better for all of us but just can’t seem to get him to want to change.

I’ve suggested a mental health retreat as a last ditch concentrated effort to help him change some of his deep seated, very long standing self beliefs, but nothing.

I'm at such a loss and feeling so heartbroken and unsure what to do next. How can you help someone who won’t help themselves 😞

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

So, he has gone downhill for about 3 years and you are relatively stable. With a beautiful child around him and no happiness there is writing on the wall that he certainly needs help. If it is proved he doesn't need help then no time wasted is there?

Please click on to the threads below that will enlighten you about those that don't get help.


The other thing I would do is attend a family counselor. Invite him once only then if he wont go I'd go myself. Initially you would be attending to find an answer together but if he refuses, you are then going so you can find how to deal with his stubbornness. However, if he doesn't attend then asks you how your sessions are going- do not tell him. He has opportunities to attend, failing to attend means he is not privy to the details. That might see him attend.


The next thread is about how to talk to men. I'm not suggesting you aren't being a good communicator, just a few ideas might help a different approach.


His anger is a concern.


I hope you get value out of those, there are many more.

Feel free to reply at any time.