Depressed bf wants me gone. Nowhere to go for Christmas

[HBet]

My bf and I have been together for 5 years, the last 2 living together away from home in NSW through the pandemic. We've had our ups and downs but have mostly been okay and always spoke about marrying, kids and buying a house one day. I heard whispers that he was looking at engagement rings earlier this year.

Then our long sydney lockdown happened. The first 50 days were good. "I'm so glad we have each other" "We've got this" but the last 50 were hard on my bf and he became depressed. He took on more and more responsibility at work and disengaged from everything else. "I feel numb, lost. I don't know what's wrong or why I'm crying."

Then we got out of lockdown and he didn't get better. He got worse in fact. Barely leaving the house, locking himself into study and work all day and night. Constantly anxious, unable to relax. His attitude changed - he didn't want to spend time with me, he no longer wanted kids or to be married at all. "I don't want anyone to rely on me or be accountable to anyone" One week later, I became what was wrong in his life. "Our relationship has been dead for years" "I don't have the capacity to be with you anymore"

I'm devastated and blindsided. He has gone overseas for work for a while but when he gets home he wants me gone. I honestly feel as if he's suffering through a breakdown. With borders closed, I cant get home for Christmas or to even stay with friends or extended family. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to live. I can't fathom a life without him and part of me refuses to believe this is real. We've been through so much for him to end it for no real reason? Lost, alone, nowhere to go.

Looking for practical advice on where to go next and emotional advice on how to get through ❤️

[Sophie_M]

Hi HBet,

This sounds like a really difficult and isolating time. We can imagine how hard this must be, feeling all these worries for your partner and your relationship all while not knowing whether you'll be able to travel to be with friends and family. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.

It's really important to remember to look after yourself through this, especially when it's not been possible to be around friends and family. If you feel it would help, please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here (11am-midnight AEDT). There’s also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time.

Has he been able to reach out for support during this time? We know it can be hard to encourage someone to find support when they're not feeling ok, so if that's a concern for you, feel free to have a look at our pages on supporting someone. You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages, such as this one on Separating from a partner.

It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums, it must have been difficult to write this post but you never know who might read it and feel less alone in their own experience. Please keep sharing whenever you feel comfortable to do so. Hopefully our warm and kind community will spot your post soon.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[ChrisM0502]

I am sorry to hear of your situation. I hope you are looking after yourself. you have made the first step in seeking guidance here. using the chat function is also useful. I have used it myself when I was lost. I am seeing a counsellor as well which has been useful to talk through my emotions and where my head is at. I am grateful for her guidance and support and she tells me how it is and that I will be ok. That is sometimes hard to understand but I have to constantly remind myself that it will.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Thank you for being so open here. I can see that you are feeling alone and helpless. You have been so strong.

To me, it sounds like your bf is pushing you away because of his mental health. Has he considered seeing a mental health professional? or even his GP?

Also, have you spoken to him and had a deep conversation? Have you told him how you truly feel?

Please stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.