Depressed about feelings towards husband

[Kazza13]

I have been struggling with depression for 25 years but was managing through medication for most of that. Gone down again. I have been married for 25 years but get depressed about how I feel about my husband and his looks. I know I love him and couldnt imagine life without him, so why do I feel like this. Does anybody out there have the same thing, I feel like I am the only one in the whole world who feels like this.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Kazza good on you for seeking help and taking medication for your depression. Can I ask what's going on with your husband? Have you spoken to him about how you feel? Relationships are very up and down. Marriage is a lot of work and after 25 years I think it's normal to sometimes feel frustrated with your relationship or have negative feelings towards it. Most marriages do have problems so I highly doubt you're the only person who feels like this!

[Croix]

Dear Kazza13~

Welcom here to the forum, it's a pretty good idea to seek other's views.That way you know you are not alone, and may gain other perspectives.

From personal experience I can say that depression has at times completely skewed my thinking, leaving me convinced that matters are the very worst possible and insoluble too. As someone who has suffered from depression for 25 years I'm sure I'm not saying anything you did not know already.

Now you seem to be saying two things at once about your husband, that you love him and could not imagine living without him, but at the same time have feelings you don't like about him - and are not happy with his looks either.

As Jessicatherese94 says marriages are complex things, and it is quite possible to have both positive and negative thoughts about a partner at the same time, in fact I'd guess this happens more often than not.

Would you like to say what is troubling you about him?

You mentioned that your depression is increasing at the moment. Have you spoken to your doctor about this? It may be your meds are less effective or need adjusting.

Can you think of anything in your life at the moment that is putting extra pressure on you, perhaps resulting in the depression getting worse?

Croix

[Kazza13]

Thanks croix, when i am down he does not look good, but when i am ok i cant see anything bad. He actually looks a lot better than when we got married. I have stress in my life with my mother as she has just entered a nursing home because of dementia and she is only 74. My husband who has had depression himself thinks this situation could be causing it. I am seeing a psychiatrist who has added to my medication, but it seems to be taking a long time for it to take effect.

[Croix]

Dear Kazza~

I'm glad you came back and said more. It would not surprise me if your husband was at least not partly right. One of the things in life that is incredibly hard is to see a shell that was a loved mother or father. To see the outside and find the one you loved is not there in the same way as before, but diminished.

Sadly 74 is a bit young, but unfortunately it seems to happen without rhyme or reason. Is she taking to being in the home OK?

Medication seems to me to have a fair degree of trial and error in it. I've been on umpteen sorts over the years and it took a very long time to get to the stable regime I have today. This is not helped by sometimes quite long lead times before the effects become known. Did your psychiatrist give you any idea of how long or what to expect?

I'm glad you husband looks good to you at least sometimes, depression sure has a lot to answer for.

Croix

[geoff]

hi Kazza, thoughts like this always seem to affect r/ships, but can I ask you a question do you know whether or not you have OCD as this has been quite a common thread in the last couple of days. Geoff.

[Kazza13]

Hi Geoff, havent been on for a while because I was feeling a little better, but it appears that I need to increase my medication. It is funny that you should mention OCD, because my psychiatrist said the same thing. The OCD thoughts make me feel depressed. Working with medication at the moment to see if we can get to a maintenance level, but then I worry that I will just keep increasing and never feel any better. A bit down at the moment, certainly not the worst I have been but everyday is a struggle.

[geoff]

hi Kazza, I'm pleased that you have been feeling better, but sad that you may not be now, and even though it doesn't feel as bad as it has been, then just be careful that your struggle could worsen.

The idea is that we want you to feel better and many people worry about what dose they need to take, but it's it better to feel as though you are top of it even if you are taking the max dose.

I take the max dose which is for depression as well as for OCD and will need to start another AD if required, but I'm a person who gets ill taking any new tablet, and I know of what happens when someone has to dry out before starting a new AD.

I am pleased your psychiatrist has also suggested OCD and would be pleased to hear back from you. Geoff.