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Decision time - walk away from wife & son or stay?
SMD welcome to beyond blue forums. I don't think I have a solution to your position. I do have a view because I was in a similar position. My dearly beloved ( dearly missed) partner had a disability. Which prevented her from being able to dress, bathe, drive or even walk. She didn't even have the strength to pick up our daughter. So it was left up to me to clean up house, cook, attendant care on her, even look after the baby. Most people saw me as a saint (NOT me). She would often wonder why the sex was getting less and less. I often got frustrated with her because of the amount of work it all entailed. I would some times yell at her, because of the frustration. Then say things I would not mean but were still hurtful. All in my opinion still not necessary. It sounds as if you both need a break. A short one for now see where it goes. It is not good for the child, they need good role models, healthy relationships. Take care in your walk through life.
Hi there SMD
Sounds like you and your family are going through alot. I feel your pain to a certain degree. My husband decided he no longer loved me and packed up his stuff and sent me a text while I was at work to say he had gone. 2 years on I am struggling to still come to terms with what has happened.
I commend you for approaching your wife and attempting to talk to her and express how you feel. It must be hard to feel rejected and shut down while you do this though. Perhaps you could both seek some relationship counselling together and have a professional help you with how you are both feeling and possible outcomes for you both. I only wish this could have been something I had the opportunity to do with my husband before it got to the point of separation.
Take care and I wish you both a good outcome.
Hello, welcome to Beyond Blue. Thank you for telling us your story. I am sorry you and your family are having such a difficult time. I am not sure how to respond to you. I see Kanga has replied and given you a partner's point of view.
Your wife invested her time in supporting you in your work and probably thought you both would have a comfortable life. And I expect this is what you thought. Unfortunately you became unwell and could not work. Now you are able to relax because the financial side of your life has been settled and you have accepted your new life. Your wife has a different role to play, one that she never contemplated and it's hard not to be disappointed.
What I have learned is that these things take time to resolve and become accepted. If I may give you part of my story. I'm not saying it's the same as yours, far from it, but there are aspects that may be similar.
When we married my husband and I had all sorts of dreams, or so I thought. The longer we stayed together the disillusioned I became. Eventually I left him nearly 17 years ago. What he considered a nice place to live I considered a rubbish dump. A huge block of land with a house in the middle. The front was filled with broken down vehicles and the rest of the land was left to weeds. Yes I worked at it but it was far beyond my ability because it needed equipment I could not use.
I was unhappy there and considered I had been cheated. We had four children and I returned to the workforce when the youngest was four. His expectations of me was that I was the traditional wife, stay at home, look after the children and have dinner on the table in the evening. So when I went to work I thought he would take on some of the chores. No, that's not my job. Anyway I won't go on too much, I'm sure you get the picture.
What I am trying to say is that we each had different expectations of our life together. It was hard for me when I finally accepted this. Sadly he made no effort to change and I left when the children left home. It's not about who was right and wrong, or even if one of us was right or wrong. We simply had no common ground any more. And yes I was abused.
Your life together has gone in a different direction than planned and both of you have suffered, which is why I suggest counselling. It's not easy to give up your dreams and expectations, especially in this drastic way. Apologies are OK but do not repair the hurt. Would you try counselling to save your marriage?
Welcome to the forums. Sorry you are having hard time. I expect your husband is grieving for his lost ability to support his family and instead must look to you for everything. It doesn't make it right for him to abuse you in that fashion and as you say, once words are spoken they cannot be taken back.
Sometimes in trying to talk about our problems one person can feel they are being attacked. That's not necessarily true but it is something to consider. Do you think your husband would agree to have counselling? Here the other person would not be seen as blaming him and he may be able to talk openly about his life. Why not have a chat to your GP and see what he/she thinks.
Coping with daily pain is hard and it is so enervating. His anger is probably because of his pain and loss of his role in the family which he takes out on you. If he could get some help in this it may make life better for both of you.
If you want to talk more on this topic, may I suggest you start a new thread. That way others will know about you and can talk to you. Otherwise your comments will get lost in SMD's thread.