Dealing with rejection and separation

[This44guy]

Seperating with my lady of 24yrs, married for 10. We called it off Boxing Day night. Still in the same house and have an amazing 8yr old boy.

She wants something different in life to us and doesnt have any drive to work on possibly fixing our life.
I'm really struggling, i've never experienced rejection like this before and it's destroying me.

Matt

[Mishmo]

Welcome to BB Matt.

I feel so deeply for you. I myself have not experienced exactly what you are experiencing but I can sympathize with the rejection and separation with child involved. Its most definitely not easy.

So glad you came here to vent, seek advice or explore the BB website for great help ideas and numbers that you might find helpful with what you are currently dealing with.

I personally havent experienced a relationship for that long, it most definitly would be heart breaking and a mind boggle to contend with. Hows your boy coping? They can normally sense emotional turmoil in their parent/s. My sons 11 and he senses things in me before I even realise. I found comfort in my son, he helped keep me going and gave me a purpose to live for. I also suffer a few other things which hasn't made life easy. But having a child, gave me a purpose to fight, to keep going.

So much must be going through your mind right now of What next?! Why?! How?! Feel free to vent, express yourself and to know there will be others who read it that can help better then myself am sure. But am one of many at the ready to be a compassionate listening ear.... i will leave it up to you to what you feel comfortable talking about.

Lovely to make your acquaintance Matt, I'm Renee.
Stay strong... especially for your lil guy.

[geoff]

Hello Matt, thanks for posting your comment and welcome to the site.

Separating from your wife after 24 years is certainly something I can relate to (25 years), however, my depression and self medicating with alcohol was the reason, even though it definitely was a shock, even though it's happened before.

Occurring at this time of the year only seems to exemplify the sadness of the situation, but knowing whether or not someone else is involved would help you understand why she's made this decision, or if another person has encouraged her to feel this way.

I'm terribly sorry to bring this to your attention, even though it may have been disturbing how you think over the past few weeks and then maximising your concern.

During this period I could suggest couple counselling where other people will or will not agree with, that's an opinion they are entitled to make and with justification, however, it all depends on the reason what you are going to discuss, and I can extrapolate on this later on if you require.

You maybe able to organise your 8 year old son to speak with people trained and capable for young children at Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800, kidshelpline.com.au.

Have you been able to visit your doctor depending on which State you live in, and there are other appropriate counselling sites online to contact, I just want to post this off and hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Guest909]

G'day Matt

Just adding to what has been said, In most western, English speaking countries, including Australia, women initiate more than 2/3 of all divorces. As a result, many men are often left asking, why? Sometimes the reasons are obvious; abuse, violence, addictions, etc...; many times the reasons are not so obvious. This is where the difficulty lies. How do you reconcile, or come to terms with, a problem you cannot identify.

If you retrospectively put your marriage under a microscope, you will always fine fault; it does not matter how good the marriage is or was. When I was pushed out of my 30 year marriage, my wife pointed out all of my faults, and I foolishly believed that I was responsible for the divorce. Many months later, and after a good deal of sole searching, I realised that I was not perfect, I also realised that the reason for the divorce lied elsewhere. In my case, my wife's mental health issues that stretched back to her childhood.

Getting to my point, the first step to recovery is to stop blaming yourself. You may never know the real reason for the divorce.

I would endorse Geoff's suggestion about getting some professional help; you will need it.

I hope this helps!

Paul.