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Dealing with a husband with depression
Hi this is my first time posting.
I am married to a amazing man who suffers from PTSD and depression.
This has been our journey for the last 5 years and I am reaching the point where I am starting to realise I don’t want to have to deal with this anymore.
we have beautiful children that both them and I have been impacted previously by his depression (his anger, meltdowns and disengagement) and everyone now walks on eggshells now and again wondering what the day will be like. When he is low He becomes selfish and treats me like I am nothing (the way he talks and ignores me). I have been nothing but supportive juggling our life and work. We fight over me trying to engage with him and getting him to communicate. I get so lonely having to constantly deal with this.
I just want the man I married back. It breaks my heart when the kids get worried about what mood he might be in and they are truly amazing kids.
His behaviours have broken my heart to the way he treats me and the kids when he is low. We don’t deserve this.
When he is not feeling low he is a great father.
I just don’t know how to deal with him and his depression anymore.
I look at him and think he isn’t even trying anymore. He wants to sit in his depression. He doesn’t want to cuddle or anything. His medicated and has mental health supports.
I get angry and frustrated because I am so positive about life and it’s worth living and having fun. He’s just a negative Nancy and is pulling his family down. Would love some advice as getting to the point where i can’t deal with him anymore.
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums Katie11, we are grateful to have you reach out here as we know it can be tough to do this for the first time. We are so sorry to hear about what is happening between you and your partner. It must be really overwhelming to have him act in this manner and it certainly puts a lot of pressure on you. Please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar experiences and understand. Hopefully, a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice.
We would strongly recommend speaking with our friends at Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They are a leading provider of relationship support services for individuals, families and communities. If you’d like to find out more information check out their website here: http://www.relationships.org.au/. If you feel up to it, we’d also encourage you to reach out to our Support Service. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.
Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.
One thing I can say is, that I wish my wife sat me down and told me how she was feeling and the effects it was having on the family...and that her intentions were to leave me if I did not seek proper help and change. Perhaps you could sit him down and have this difficult conversation.
Since my wife left I have made every effort to better my health....it just took her leaving me to make me realise I need help.
I sympathise with both you and your husband. And I know how hard it is for you constantly dealing with the rapid changes in mood.
I just wish my wife had of communicated with me more what she was feeling and thinking. I could not see the damage being done through my own eyes.
Sophie M has some great advice.
As a male with bipolar and depression I can see clearly why the grumpiness has enveloped his persona.
This situation is not your fault, actually nor is it his. Depressants have no desire to be moody and angry, but alas, it often comes with the package.
Below is a few threads that might or might not be relevant. Just google them and read the first post if each. You can leave comments in them if you wish
beyondblue topic depression and sensitivity- a connection?
beyondblue topic talking to men, some tips
beyondblue topic depression, the timing of motivation
beyondblue topic caring for your “well” partner
Your post left me in tears !
I am going through the exact same thing as you but my husband of 6 years is undiagnosed as he refuses to seek help... I'm just as tired as you are... I'm sorry I have no advice but at least now you know you are not alone.
Stubbornness/denial is very common among these pages. Unfortunately there is little one can do.
beyondblue topic is there room for stubbornness?
beyondblue topic does stubbornness have a place?
I hope you find peace
Your post describes what it’s like in my life. Some days we exist to him, some days we don’t. Some days the only “attention” we can get is to be yelled at.
There’s also the complete disregard of needs financially and emotionally. I tried to talk to him but that’s like adding mentos to a fizzy drink. I feel isolated.
My only advice is to get yourself support, friends family or maybe counselling for yourself. I kept everything to myself and I now also need fixing 😞
This resonates with me, it's like we care about them more than they do, until you reach a point where you just wish YOU were loved and cared for and seen. It's hard to do all the caring. I get really lonely too.
I wish I could have fun with him without worrying about a sudden disproportionate reaction ( like a flipped switch).