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Daughter in law problem
Dear Tea girl. Have you tried talking to your daughter in-law, one on one. Maybe she sees you as interfering, even though you say you're not. I have a Narcissistic MIL who I've had to cease all contact with. My husband sees her (when he can). For some reason MIL/DIL relationships are very testy to say the least. Maybe you could try writing to her and asking her straight out what you may have said or done to cause this. Maybe she has a bad relationship with her own mother, and wants to keep her family to herself. Could you ring your son where he works and talk to him there. Maybe she has NPD herself, in which case, until she admits it or gets help, there's not a lot you can do. I'm so sorry you're having this problem, but until you speak to your son or write to your DIL, there's not much else I can suggest. Are she and your son having problems and she doesn't want to tell you? I wouldn't tell your son how angry you are, at least give them a chance to explain what the problem is. When and if you talk to your son, don't run her down in any way, this will alienate him further. I wouldn't ring her, she may hang up.
Hope this helps.
Sometimes all you can do is look at the bright side and get on with your life. If she takes good care of the kids and doesn't make your sons life hell be grateful for that. You don't say who sent the message, if it wasn't your son I would contact him at work and ask how he wants this handled.Do it on a good day, when you can be calm and rational no matter what he says (a big ask I know), but he most likely has enough to deal with without feeling you are pressuring him.
Unfortunately life isn't always fair, if the rest of your life is in reasonably good shape concentrate on that and hopefully with time your son will realize it shouldn't be a choice between his wife and you.
If your saying they are home schooled grandchildren and also that they are autistic I can suppose that she is a control freak and secondly she is under stress from trying to handle them.It s not your fault I think your son and daughter in law are in capable of being multi faceted and handling stress and all family groups in their lives.Further, I can think that involving a 3 rd party trusted friend can help.Who is trusted by both you and ask their help to sort out this issue.I m sure your son misses you but tries to keep away just due to his paranoid wife.But keep patience and have faith because he will come back sooner than you realize.
dear Tea girl, I can only empathise for you, because if this happened to not see my 2 little grand daughters, I would be utterly devastated, because they mean the world to me and have given me a new lease of life and we speak to each other, although the youngest can't properly talk as she's only 1 year old.
When my Dad remarried his wife indicated by her own means for Dad not to contact any of his 5 children, so he rang at work, not very often, and if we wanted to talk to him we also rang him at work, and when she passed away, he then came back to his family, but several years had pasted.
All I can say is that times will change one way or another, and I do hope it will soon for you. L Geoff. x
you are very thoughtful and kind and your words make much sense to me when nothing much else does. I am glad your Dad came back to you, it would have been absolutely heartbreaking. Why are people so cruel? How insecure they must be and for me it is not having the decency to talk it through. Take care Geoff and thankyou for your help