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Daughter In Law is Tearing Family Apart
This sounds a terrible situation and can't go on. Apart from anything else your grandchildren are being exposed to a thoroughly irrational person.
I guess you may be thinking of two choices at the moment, the first being simply to react to any allegations she may make, which may be taxing and drawn out, even if they come to nothing. This does not help you reunite with your grand-kids.
The second, which would take your son's cooperation is that you may be considering going on the offensive and trying to prove that your DIL is unfit to have custody of the children,and also if you were lucky prove that she was deliberately giving false reports to police.
I've no idea what your financial and emotional resources are, the latter course wold be very hard, but maybe doable - you would need professional advice and assistance.
I can't see any other options apart from just trusting to luck. At this stage what do your son and partner think?
How horrible. I am sorry for this hell you are living.
I have a similar but different situation. My son who now lives in USA has cut me off and isolates himself and his wife and new (my first grand child) from everyone. My DIL is passive aggressive, manipulative, and OWNS my son. I am mainly angry at my son for his betrayal.
I have bipolar and am a recovering Alcoholic. In AA we learn that we are completely powerless over people, places and things. I am practising handing over this situation to a higher power, living in today and grieving bit by bit for the people I have lost. I can only suggest you realise the mother is a very sick, sick puppy and get counselling and help on your very real feelings of fear, rejection, shame and grief
Dear Nanaof4, yes I was told by my psychologist and psychiatrist to accept the loss. It was also a devastating thing to hear and a real wake up call. I am angry at my son for not having the courage to stand up for what is right and pussy footing around. However, this is very common with men as women can be far more vindictive I find. Your poor husband, what an evil, evil thing to use. Women like this give women a bad name.
It is heart breaking and like grieving the loss of a child. I was bought up in an era when parents were respected, loved and cared for. I am glad I am on my way out and not my way in. We do not deserve this after a life of working, parenting and living through hardships. We deserve to be honoured and cared for like they do in tribal countries. Every parent does 99% the best of their ability with the tools they have.
I also pray everything works out, I really believe it does in the long run. Get on with your own life, enjoy it and know you are worth happiness and joy xxx