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Daughter has cut me off completely from grandkids
Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you have taken the brave step in reaching out here for support. We're really sorry to hear what you are going through right now, it sounds like things are really stressful for both you and your daughter at the moment. We understand it must be really overwhelming feeling like all of this has all happened so suddenly, but please know that you have come to a safe, non-judgemental space to express your thoughts and feelings. If you feel up to it, we'd also recommend reaching out to our Beyond Blue Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service which is available 24/7 by calling 1800 512 348 or you can visit coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au One of our trained mental health professionals, briefed in helping people deal with the impact of the pandemic on their mental health and wellbeing, will be able to talk things through with you.
We hope you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel up to it.
I am sorry to hear that you are currently being shut out of
your daughter and grandkid’s lives. I can imagine how heart-breaking this must
be giving all your love to your child and your grandkids; it is indeed very selfless. 😊
It sounds to me like your daughter has an avoidant attachment style.
I have learned through my own experiences with avoidant personalities is that all I can do is re-assure them that I am always there for them, be patient, stable, understanding, resilient, compassionate and continue to believe in love.
I understand feeling helpless can raise anxiety levels and worry however, it gave me the opportunity to practice patience and resilience. Keeping the issue at the back of my mind, I shifted my focus to positive aspects of my life, continued to doing things that I love like walking, baking, reading because I know that filling myself with love and coming from a place full of love, I can be there and ready for my loved ones when they are ready.
What activity do you love doing that fills your heart with happiness?
I would love to hear of any steps that you may take to fill your heart with love…
I hope to hear from you 😊
They will wonder and I have found children to be naturally curious so questions will arise, therefore creating the opportunity for connection in the future...
It's completely understandable to feel afraid of the responses your grand children will receive however, I feel like it's important to remember how much of a situation you can control; for your own well-being and to maintain stability.
I do wish myself for expressive, understanding communication, it would make a situation much easier and there would be so much less conflict.
Oh that's beautiful! What type of music do you like? I play the violin.
I love learning languages and I have tried the Duolingo app for Brazilian Portuguese. What languages do you learn?
My wife did the same thing to her mother. Thirty years later, she did it to me. Sadly, I no longer recognise my wife. Overnight, she turned into a nasty threatening person that is only happy when she is creating trouble. Since separation, I have been threatened with multiple intervention orders that were unjustified and just plain vexatious. Do you see the similarities?
I always knew my wife had mental health problem; a product of an abusive childhood. For that reason, I understood why she severed all contact with her mother. Unfortunately, she then redirected her resentment to me. My point here is that you mentioned that your daughter was also in an abusive relationship; perhaps this is at the root of the problem you are now having.
Up until now, I've struggled to understand why my wife acted the way she did. Your post, and Heartcentred's explanation, has given me the answer I've been looking for - "avoidant attachment personalities". My wife's upbringing and actions tick all the boxes.
Thank you Heartcentred!
I think that you are right; mental health problems seem to run in certain families. My wife's family has a long line of women that seem to self destruct. It might be genetic or environmental, but it seems to pass through the generations.
In regards to the narcissist accusation, I would not take it too seriously. My wife is the master of "projection". She would often accuse my of doing the very underhanded thing that she had done. If you google, "mental health terminology projection", you will get an idea what it is all about. It won't solve your problem, but it may help you understand the problem.
When this is all over, I to hope to get back to the electric guitar. I've been trying to learn for the last 20 years. Whenever I start to make some progress something happens, and I'm back to square one.