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Dating an addict: making me depressed and anxious
Hey everyone, I didn't know where else to come, so I came here considering the situation is making me depressed, anxious, scared, sad and extremely angry.
i found out last night my boyfriend is smoking ice... I don't know what to do so I'm hoping someone has some advice for me.. I don't want to be with someone who does that because it's ruined so many lives including family members of mine and violence has come from it too. He's a really amazing guy, funny, treats me well but I haven't replied to him since he told me he did it, he's an ex-addict.. Went to rehab and had been clean for so long. Advice, anything would be appreciated!! Should I reply to him? Cut ties, break up? Support him? I just don't want to support someone who wants to keep doing it. 😞 help.
Hi Digit and Welcome to the forums
I understand exactly where you are coming from and this may be a rocky road for you. My ex GF told me not to leave my car keys on her coffee table because my XR8 might disappear if/when her 23 year old son needed a fix. I was also warned by my ex not to leave my wallet around too. I was in the dark on this early 2015 and I said to her why? She explained to me that even though she had just borrowed $30,000 for her son to go to rehab he was still looking for his 'friends' that could supply it to him..
This is a very sad place you are in right now especially as you know the amazing, funny and kind guy he is. Even with rehab it can be like treading on thin ice. It can be (with all respect again to your BF of course) a bad place to be.
This is a bad place for you to be in Digit even after you BF's rehab.I have a 23 year old daughter and if she had an addict/rehab BF I would be doing everything I could to stop the relationship.
This is only my very humble opinion but even if I had a GF that had been through rehab after smoking that I wouldnt be with her anymore.
I have watched my ex's 23 year old addicted son after rehab.......borrow her car and destroy it....drink VB at 10am daily to 'take the edge off' and sell anything that he can to get another high. This stuff is poison....You are an intelligent and caring person Digit....please keep your distance and if you choose to support him please keep in mind that it may cost you years of pain....(just my humble opinion)
I have only mentioned my experience here with a person after being in rehab....I couldnt trust him as the addiction overruled anyone that even cared for him. I do feel for his mum who footed the bill for his rehab.
Your heart is kind and true Digit....please keep your distance (with respect for your feelings of course) from him right now..and be careful.....
I am not being negative or in anyway judgemental......just being a realist after being through it...
I hope there was something there that may have been of help to you Digit......You are more than welcome to post back whenever you wish
My Kindest Thoughts to you
Paul has given some excellent advice.
When I was younger I had two occassions where boyfriends turned out to be on drugs. I had been with the first for quite a while before I found out and it wasn't just him but his sister and a large group of his friends. I adored him too but I knew it wasn't going to change and I didn't want that in my life and I knew my Mum would have been so disappointed in my choice had I stayed with him. Her opinion meant a lot to me. I broke up with him and it was hard letting go but I am glad I did. He didn't let me go easily either and that was incredibly tough at the time. I felt very emotionally wrung out at the end.
The second was someone who saved me from low self esteem. He was gorgeous, funny and popular. As I got to know him he revealed all kinds of things that he said were all in the past. He had little scars all over which he lied about for sometime until I found out about cutting (I was a bit naive). He told me he used to do drugs but had stopped and it was all behind him. Then one day some friends took me swimming somewhere I didn't normally go and there he was high as a kite. We were actually getting ready to move in together by this stage and it was a heart breaking moment for me. However I knew without a doubt that it was not what I wanted for myself.
Only you can make the decision as to what you do. I have never regretted the choices I made. I went on to find someone else who is very "clean" and life is so much easier and better for it.
I hope my experience helps in someway. I am definitely not an expert here as my choice has always been to run for the hills so to speak. My need to have my parents be proud of my choices has had a huge bearing in my life.
Regardless of your choice to stay or leave you will find support here if you need it.
Carol and Paul have said what I don't need to say again, and even though he might be funny, treats you well will eventually disappear in the long run, as the drugs take hold of him again, if they haven't already.
People go to rehab for drugs or alcohol and seem to be cured, however all it takes is for one of his mates to say to him 'just try this, go on one won't hurt' and then back they go hooked again.
There will be too many problems for you even if you try and keep him off them, because your heart will be broken multiple times, money being stolen not only from you but when you have friends over for a visit.
It takes such a strong person not to use them again, because when they are annoyed, cross at something or have a fight with you, what they do is go straight back to the drugs, it's never ending, and if by chance he is locked up by the police he will want you to bail him out, and so the list of negatives goes on.
By staying with him is going to create such an enormous headache for you and I can't tell you what to do, but if you were my sister I would beg you to leave him alone, and if you do I would then block his phone number or get another sim card.
You seem to be such a caring person so there will so many other chaps who would just love to meet you. Geoff. x